Yup...that's what Dee said when I announced I'd be cutting back on calories to lose weight.
About 8 years ago, I was at my ideal weight. Now...I'm 80 pounds over! That's an extra 10 pounds a year, except 30 - 40 pounds of it came on right after my hysterectomy. I've attempted to lose it but usually didn't feel like it. But I'm at it right now in full force.
My company is participating in a city-wide challenge, and I signed up. My 10-week goal was officially 10 pounds. My real goal is 20. At the end of week one, I had lost four pounds. A good start. I hope for something similar in week two before I start losing the 1 1/2 pounds a week my caloric intake should allow me to lose.
I'm really motivated this time because of my darling daughter. I could say it's because I want to show her that I can make effort to change just like I ask her to do; or I want to be a healthy example for her. But really, it's because when I started, she said, "I don't think you're going to be successful at this." I want to show her never under-estimate me.
I just count calories, and have been doing fine with it. Dee doesn't like it though. She is often trying to tempt me with higher calories food than I need. :) I'm quite certain at the end, it will make an impression on her if I'm successful. Good motivation, huh?
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Learning Disabilities
Dee has learning disabilities. We don't have names for all of them, but they are there. I'm sure she is dyslexic, though no one will diagnose her. Mom has diagnosed her.
When she first moved in, our house number is 4725. I sent her outside to learn her address. She came back and said it right. One minute later she said 4752. That's when my suspicion began. It shows itself in many ways.
Yesterday, our devotion had the word "forbidden" in it. She read "forbibben." (I know it doesn't make sense, but she must not know the actual word.) So, I said, "No, it's a "d." She read, "fordibben." I tried to get her to switch, but she couldn't. It happens all of the time. She is guessing words, so she doesn't remember what she came up with. She will read "tried" correctly in sentence one, and in sentence two she may read it "tired" or "tied" or "tree".
It's frustrating for us both, but she has no idea what words she is getting wrong. I realize that she is working two to three times as hard to read, but it's so hard to hear.
She also has a difficult time with math. But today she showed she misses the concept all together. I'm counting calories, so I said, "It was 30 calories per ounce, and I had six ounces." 30 x 6 is 180. Dee said, "Multiplication and division do not have 30. You cannot go that high."
In a few weeks, school will start. I will hold her to a similar standard as other 10-year olds, but I will probably be asking too much. It's sort of sad.
When she first moved in, our house number is 4725. I sent her outside to learn her address. She came back and said it right. One minute later she said 4752. That's when my suspicion began. It shows itself in many ways.
Yesterday, our devotion had the word "forbidden" in it. She read "forbibben." (I know it doesn't make sense, but she must not know the actual word.) So, I said, "No, it's a "d." She read, "fordibben." I tried to get her to switch, but she couldn't. It happens all of the time. She is guessing words, so she doesn't remember what she came up with. She will read "tried" correctly in sentence one, and in sentence two she may read it "tired" or "tied" or "tree".
It's frustrating for us both, but she has no idea what words she is getting wrong. I realize that she is working two to three times as hard to read, but it's so hard to hear.
She also has a difficult time with math. But today she showed she misses the concept all together. I'm counting calories, so I said, "It was 30 calories per ounce, and I had six ounces." 30 x 6 is 180. Dee said, "Multiplication and division do not have 30. You cannot go that high."
In a few weeks, school will start. I will hold her to a similar standard as other 10-year olds, but I will probably be asking too much. It's sort of sad.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Through the Wringer
My precious little girl has put me through the wringer. I found that on June 30th at a field trip she stole two things. I knew this that day. She has picked a lie and stuck with it. Then I found on July 5th at a different field trip, she stole something else. That was kept hidden until yesterday. She was confronted by me and her daycare worker, and had to confess. On the 8th of July she was caught after sneaking an old used cell phone to school --I had thrown it away once. I took the hammer to it this time (helped with the frustration too). And on Sunday, plotting even before church to steal some mechanical pencils she saw in the Sunday School classroom last week but giving up and attempted to take some note cards and a portable CD player. I'm exhausted. At work today, people kept telling me I looked tired. Hmmm. I wonder why. I mentioned it to Dee, and she said, "Yeah, you have bags."
Her Sunday episode led to tantrums and me leaving her while I ran to McDonald's drive-through. Her tantruming more, and a visit from the police. Losing her new Xbox 360, and a ton of privileges.
Out of the four days for school, she got up once and did her hygiene steps. (So much for the allowance chart.) That's right. I've been sending my child to school with nappy uncombed hair, a dirty face, and unbrushed teeth.
This evening she is in a better mood. She was still disrespectful. She asked why I wasn't making her such cute lunches. I asked her why would I take so much time for a disrespectful little girl.
A friend called to invite her spend the night and go to an amusement park. I can't believe it. Someone actually invited my child! (No friend of hers has ever invited her over. Well one time, one parent did invite her over for two hours, but that's it.) I'm thrilled. But I told her it all depends on her behavior. That ought to buy me some kindness.
Before I agreed, I had to tell the parent how she had to watch Dee. I so wish she didn't come with fine prints.
I better get to sleep. I want to enjoy my week, and I have to get rid of these bags!
Tonight was better. She was her pleasant self. Let's hope it is better for us all!
Her Sunday episode led to tantrums and me leaving her while I ran to McDonald's drive-through. Her tantruming more, and a visit from the police. Losing her new Xbox 360, and a ton of privileges.
Out of the four days for school, she got up once and did her hygiene steps. (So much for the allowance chart.) That's right. I've been sending my child to school with nappy uncombed hair, a dirty face, and unbrushed teeth.
This evening she is in a better mood. She was still disrespectful. She asked why I wasn't making her such cute lunches. I asked her why would I take so much time for a disrespectful little girl.
A friend called to invite her spend the night and go to an amusement park. I can't believe it. Someone actually invited my child! (No friend of hers has ever invited her over. Well one time, one parent did invite her over for two hours, but that's it.) I'm thrilled. But I told her it all depends on her behavior. That ought to buy me some kindness.
Before I agreed, I had to tell the parent how she had to watch Dee. I so wish she didn't come with fine prints.
I better get to sleep. I want to enjoy my week, and I have to get rid of these bags!
Tonight was better. She was her pleasant self. Let's hope it is better for us all!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Trying
Dee is trying to live within the laws of our house right now. I love this. I do tend to make a mistake when this happens and start to treat her with less rules and less structure. That's not a good thing. She won't feel very comfortable.
Her allowance chart is working wonders. She emptied the dishwasher. She has been doing anything she can to get a checkmark. When those checkmarks become cash, I hope it will solidify her resolve to keep going. It wouldn't be Dee if she didn't try to get over on some things. She ran up and took a quick shower yesterday. I doubt if she washed. She just got the check mark. I will have her show me the soap on her body today. She took her summer work I make her do to day care. Friends will help her with it, but at least she is trying to get it done.
She asked for ice cream during devotion, so we made a Sonic run. She was giddy happy, and I was exhausted. She was chattering away and being silly. I said, "You should know, I'm running out of patience." So when it was time to pray, she happily volunteered, and led off with a request for me some patience!
She wanted pizza delivered today, but I think I'll take her to the local improv comedy show. She will be disappointed at first that she has to dress and not have pizza, but she will love it! I'm going to ask her to dress like she is going on a fun date. She will probably come down in the shortest skirt she has, her "heels" and ask for permission to wear lip gloss. (It's only allowed on Saturdays.) I think she will love the grown-up feel that the place has, but all the comedy is safe. We will order bar-type food at our table, and I think it will be a memory she loves.
Her allowance chart is working wonders. She emptied the dishwasher. She has been doing anything she can to get a checkmark. When those checkmarks become cash, I hope it will solidify her resolve to keep going. It wouldn't be Dee if she didn't try to get over on some things. She ran up and took a quick shower yesterday. I doubt if she washed. She just got the check mark. I will have her show me the soap on her body today. She took her summer work I make her do to day care. Friends will help her with it, but at least she is trying to get it done.
She asked for ice cream during devotion, so we made a Sonic run. She was giddy happy, and I was exhausted. She was chattering away and being silly. I said, "You should know, I'm running out of patience." So when it was time to pray, she happily volunteered, and led off with a request for me some patience!
She wanted pizza delivered today, but I think I'll take her to the local improv comedy show. She will be disappointed at first that she has to dress and not have pizza, but she will love it! I'm going to ask her to dress like she is going on a fun date. She will probably come down in the shortest skirt she has, her "heels" and ask for permission to wear lip gloss. (It's only allowed on Saturdays.) I think she will love the grown-up feel that the place has, but all the comedy is safe. We will order bar-type food at our table, and I think it will be a memory she loves.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Parenting the Hard Way
Today was therapy after a difficult session the past couple of weeks. What we learned is that Dee has some really mean behaviors when she feels guilty. I think it's because she does not respect the person who does not catch her in her wrongdoing. Until I found out she was sneaking and looking at porn, she had no respect for me.
I had to tell her that sometimes I was giving her a second chance. I let her hear me talk about other things I had caught but had passed.
I don't think it's fun to parent a child who doesn't like good things, who doesn't appreciate a break...but that's the child I have. And if I cannot show her every wrongdoing she has done, then she will treat me like dirt.
I told myself today that I need to remember that she can't handle breaks or too much good. I will revisit this post the next time I've forgotten.
I had to tell her that sometimes I was giving her a second chance. I let her hear me talk about other things I had caught but had passed.
I don't think it's fun to parent a child who doesn't like good things, who doesn't appreciate a break...but that's the child I have. And if I cannot show her every wrongdoing she has done, then she will treat me like dirt.
I told myself today that I need to remember that she can't handle breaks or too much good. I will revisit this post the next time I've forgotten.
An Advantageous Meeting
When Dee decided to get a mani-pedi, she unknowingly set up an advantageous meeting for me. I was going to just wait, but decided to join her. I sat next to a very friendly lady. She complimented Dee. She asked her age, and how she did in school. I mentioned Dee had learning disabilities. That's when she said that she was a retired teacher who also had learning disabilities. I asked if she tutored, and she handed me her new business card.
In a couple of weeks, we will go for an assessment. We talked cost, and she is a little high. But I think we can come to a compromise on the cost. I'm excited for Dee to get some help.
This woman has the same problems Dee has. She said she tested so poorly for college, she got in by talking to the school. I'm hopeful!
In a couple of weeks, we will go for an assessment. We talked cost, and she is a little high. But I think we can come to a compromise on the cost. I'm excited for Dee to get some help.
This woman has the same problems Dee has. She said she tested so poorly for college, she got in by talking to the school. I'm hopeful!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Allowance Chart
When Dee moved here, I gave her an allowance. She loved it, but it was too vague. Since then, I told her that I was just giving her money, but she did not do her part in the family. She has been asking for an allowance again. So I will introduce her to the chart. For every day that she gets at least 7 check marks and no minuses, she will get $1.
Brush Teeth P.M.
We both like when she has her own money. So this is the way she can get it. Plus, she needs to hit $250 in savings this year so she can put money into a CD. My goal for her is to get one CD a year. She is at $160+, so she has a way to go!
Dee's Daily Goals
Brush Teeth P.M.
Good A.M. Attitude
Good P.M. Attitude
Put ALL Dishes in Dishwasher
Devotions
Practice Jr CC
Homework 1, 2, 3
Leave Bathtub Clean
Deodorant
Wash face
Take out trash
Straighten Room
Visit Ms. Grace
Walk Dogs
We both like when she has her own money. So this is the way she can get it. Plus, she needs to hit $250 in savings this year so she can put money into a CD. My goal for her is to get one CD a year. She is at $160+, so she has a way to go!
A Fun Weekend
Originally, we wanted to take part of the tax refund to go to Disney World. Dee, however, is not comfortable with good things. It became very apparent to me that she would sabotage the trip after the first day. So this weekend, we spent the vacation money in other ways.
1. We are booked to fly "home." Home is where my family is. Dee has not met them. We are excited for her to see how I grew up, and to understand her family more.
2. We bought a game system. An X-box 360. Dee loves it!
3. We bought a new TV. Our biggest TV was 19 inches, and really old, so we updated.
4. We replaced our dying washing machine.
5. We went to a movie and got mani-pedis!
I also got a new mattress set, though that was not bought with the refund money.
We spent lots of money and had fun doing it.
Dee was super respectful and obedient. I mentioned how much I loved this responsible girl, and she said, "Well, you better get use to it!"
I have a feeling she does not like fireworks. She wanted to go to a 4th of July carnival until she found out it included fireworks. I think she then overheard me tell someone on the phone that I was going to surprise her and drive her in her PJs to see some nearby. She sabotaged both!
Other than that...it was all fun!
1. We are booked to fly "home." Home is where my family is. Dee has not met them. We are excited for her to see how I grew up, and to understand her family more.
2. We bought a game system. An X-box 360. Dee loves it!
3. We bought a new TV. Our biggest TV was 19 inches, and really old, so we updated.
4. We replaced our dying washing machine.
5. We went to a movie and got mani-pedis!
I also got a new mattress set, though that was not bought with the refund money.
We spent lots of money and had fun doing it.
Dee was super respectful and obedient. I mentioned how much I loved this responsible girl, and she said, "Well, you better get use to it!"
I have a feeling she does not like fireworks. She wanted to go to a 4th of July carnival until she found out it included fireworks. I think she then overheard me tell someone on the phone that I was going to surprise her and drive her in her PJs to see some nearby. She sabotaged both!
Other than that...it was all fun!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Turning 50
My 50th birthday was this week. My little girl is usually very thoughtful, but she only wants to be on her own time! She does not like it when she is not the center of attention. After having a huge celebration at work, I came home birthday-ed out. We had agreed to celebrate at home the day after.
Dee made my cake the day before my birthday. While neighbors were visiting, she decided to frost it alone. I've never seen anything like it! She somehow took off the top of the cake, and was frosting the inside. It was horrible. I didn't even take a picture...I threw the cake away. I must say, this year she sabotaged unconsciously versus her normal decided sabotage.
I did buy ingredients for her to try again, but it's so hot! The Schwan's lady came, and I bought an ice cream cake. We celebrated. I told her I deserved a good birthday. And I let her hear me tell friends on the phone that deserve a good cake and a good birthday. I made the nachos she planned to make me for my day. I just talked to the dogs, and let her hear me celebrate with them.
Dee did try to give me a gift from a game arcade. I did not take it because the gift was bigger than the amount of tickets she should have had. I didn't know if she stole it, stole the tickets or what.
We planned to repeat the trip to the arcade to watch her earn enough points. She explained the next day how she got so many points. I let her know that I still did not feel it added up, but let it go. Dee does have about $40. However, she was absolutely unwilling to use any of her money for a gift. Normally, I'd like anything, but since her money is precious to her, I would have like to see her sacrifice some of it for my gift.
We established since she turned 10 and I turned 50, let's just assume I am smarter or at least as smart as she is.
On a happier note...the doggies gave me the George Foreman grill I've been wanting. They set an example for their sister!!!
Dee made my cake the day before my birthday. While neighbors were visiting, she decided to frost it alone. I've never seen anything like it! She somehow took off the top of the cake, and was frosting the inside. It was horrible. I didn't even take a picture...I threw the cake away. I must say, this year she sabotaged unconsciously versus her normal decided sabotage.
I did buy ingredients for her to try again, but it's so hot! The Schwan's lady came, and I bought an ice cream cake. We celebrated. I told her I deserved a good birthday. And I let her hear me tell friends on the phone that deserve a good cake and a good birthday. I made the nachos she planned to make me for my day. I just talked to the dogs, and let her hear me celebrate with them.
Dee did try to give me a gift from a game arcade. I did not take it because the gift was bigger than the amount of tickets she should have had. I didn't know if she stole it, stole the tickets or what.
We planned to repeat the trip to the arcade to watch her earn enough points. She explained the next day how she got so many points. I let her know that I still did not feel it added up, but let it go. Dee does have about $40. However, she was absolutely unwilling to use any of her money for a gift. Normally, I'd like anything, but since her money is precious to her, I would have like to see her sacrifice some of it for my gift.
We established since she turned 10 and I turned 50, let's just assume I am smarter or at least as smart as she is.
On a happier note...the doggies gave me the George Foreman grill I've been wanting. They set an example for their sister!!!
Consequences
Dee has been unable to relax because she knew we still had to talk to our therapist about the whole stealing/lying/porn episode. She doesn't like "difficult sessions."
Miss Michelle, our therapist, says that if we don't nip this in the bud it can easily become an obsession. I think we were well on the way to seeing that.
We also talked about her habit of lying. Miss Michelle said that it's not uncommon in RAD kids that they have HABIT of lying. She agrees that Dee lies so much, she no longer knows what is truth and what is not truth.
Dee came out from the session and said, "Can we now never speak of this again?" I could not agree to that. Plus, Little Girl does not get to be in control after throwing our lives totally out of control! Nice try.
We do consequences now only one day at a time. So, she may lose the right to watch TV or lose electronics for a day, or if it's really bad, she will all privileges for a day. This week, she had several days of loss of privileges, and one day where she loss the right to her DVD for multiple days.
I told her yesterday, "I wish I could just ask you what happened, and believe you. But since you are at zero trust, I can't believe you." She said something like "I don't blame you" or "I think that's smart of you."
I have found that Dee has more respect when I have found her in her lies or misbehavior and are consequencing her than if she feels she is getting away with something. I explained to her that just because I don't consequence doesn't mean I don't know. I am just letting her have another chance. I have to learn that it's a test on her part, and if I don't consequence, then to her, I have failed. Now that I know the rules, I think I can be more successful!
Miss Michelle, our therapist, says that if we don't nip this in the bud it can easily become an obsession. I think we were well on the way to seeing that.
We also talked about her habit of lying. Miss Michelle said that it's not uncommon in RAD kids that they have HABIT of lying. She agrees that Dee lies so much, she no longer knows what is truth and what is not truth.
Dee came out from the session and said, "Can we now never speak of this again?" I could not agree to that. Plus, Little Girl does not get to be in control after throwing our lives totally out of control! Nice try.
We do consequences now only one day at a time. So, she may lose the right to watch TV or lose electronics for a day, or if it's really bad, she will all privileges for a day. This week, she had several days of loss of privileges, and one day where she loss the right to her DVD for multiple days.
I told her yesterday, "I wish I could just ask you what happened, and believe you. But since you are at zero trust, I can't believe you." She said something like "I don't blame you" or "I think that's smart of you."
I have found that Dee has more respect when I have found her in her lies or misbehavior and are consequencing her than if she feels she is getting away with something. I explained to her that just because I don't consequence doesn't mean I don't know. I am just letting her have another chance. I have to learn that it's a test on her part, and if I don't consequence, then to her, I have failed. Now that I know the rules, I think I can be more successful!
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