Stopping the Slide

After her sibling visit, Dee poked a kid with scissors at school.  So...I took her iPod, and no TV.  Finally, I realized that something would have to give to move pass this.  So I wrote all of her consequences on the white board:  \

She had to make 3 Lists: 

• 15 Appropriate Answers for "How are you?" or "Where were you?";
• 15 Answers that are respectful when I call her name; and
• 15 Proper Uses for Scissors. 

Then she had to write an apology to the following people: 

1. The boy she poked. 
2. Her classroom teacher. 
3. Her special ed teacher. 
4. The principal. 
5. Me. 
6. Her birth brother that she lied on.

She finished them all, and I gave her her iPod back.  Our only remaining issue is whether she is mature enough to move to middle school next year.  I wrote to her teachers and no one responded.  :)

Overall, a much better weekend than I imagined

Sibling Visit

We woke up Tuesday with our normal rushing around.  Dee was forced to find her dance stuff.  We got our work and school bags packed, and we rushed out.  I stopped at the ATM, then we went on to school.  When we hit the school's street, I said, "Wow!  I have a taste for S Food."  (It's a particular fast food restaurant from Dee's hometown.)  Then I told her I thought I would go get some.  She asked, "Without me?"  I told her never!  She asked, "When, tomorrow?"  I told her, "No...let's go today."  We pulled into the school's lot.  We reorganized ourselves.  I called my boss, and told her I sent the school an e-mail telling them she may be absent, but I wasn't sure.  We drove through McDonalds, and I gave her her DVD player and we got a Red Box movie, iPod and drawing paper and crayons.

The drive is about 3 hours.  At about an hour in, we left our area, so I told her that there was another reason I wanted to make the trip.  We were going to see her litte brother.  I got choked up telling her.  She didn't notice.  She had her own emotions.  She was happy, but equally nervous.

When we stopped at a rest stop, I asked if she wanted to continue and she said yes.  When we were an hour out, I called her brother's foster mom.   A little later, we  had a call from the social worker chaning our locations.  When we arrived at Chuck E Cheese, the social worker was there.  We were thrilled to see him.  He really cares about this family.

We waited for the brother and his foster mom to come.  She thought I was going to call again.  When they did arrive, that little boy came in so joyful!  Full of RAD!  He was charming.  He hugged me like his long-lost mother.  Later when I asked him if he knew who I was, he not only didn't know who I was, he didn't know Dee had been adopted.  I really enjoyed watching them play together.  Little brother J was too excited to eat.  Dee kept calling him by a neighbor's name. 

Two social workers, me and foster mom were the adults there.  We all had so much fun watching them play.  Dee said it was the best day ever.  We drove around her hometown.

After the visit, Dee had some poor behavior and lots of disrespectfulness.  I expected it, but I didn't like it.  I asked her today if she thought she was good seeing her brothers until she is grown, and she said yes.  Her brother two years her senior is not doing well enough to have a sibling visit.  She never asked about him.  He wrote her a note last fall, and since that time, she hasn't mentioned his name.  I wonder if that wil happen with this brother two years her junior.  Maybe she will be able to move on.

I wish she coud keep touch with her siblings.  They are all victims, but she is my major concern.  If she doesn't want to, we won't.  As I told her, "It your birth family.  If you don't want to spend time, write or talk to them that's up to you."  But I'm glad we had Tuesday.  It was one of my top days too!

A Super Busy Four-Day Weekend

It was nice that we had a long weekend because of President's Day.  We don't have that day off from work, but since Dee didn't have school or day care, it became a holiday.  I had a dental appointment and we had therapy.  Those two things with driving pretty much took off our Monday.

Our Sunday was full of church and activities.  We had church and Sunday School and I took my Sunday School kids to skate.  So much fun!!!  We had 14 kids and my coworker came to help.  We came to my house first and had pizza.  I was exhausted when all was said and done!

This followed a long day on Saturday at the adopt a pet event.  Millie didn't even get a glance.  And as I said, Dee and Reena weren't trustworthy there.

Friday night we spent a fortune to see a movie at the IMAX.  I was actually happy to see the weekend end, and go back to work.  I will write separately about the fantastic Tuesday we had before it all actually ended.

Overcrowded

Dee had a friend who spent part of a week with us.  She stayed Thursday evening until Sunday afternoon.  Part of that time, we also had four dogs.  Talk about exhausting!

Nettie Jo, our foster dog, was adopted on Friday evening. 

Dee's friend, Reena, was adopted as an infant.  Her mom is now single and older.  Reena can be whiny, and she is sneaky.

While at the pet adoption event on Saturday, she talked Dee into sneaking an extra donut.  She came to church with us and talked through it, then slumped in disinterest during Sunday School.  I spent time explaining to Dee that that kind of disrespect should not be tolerated by her.

Dee had a birthday party to attend, and I chose to not cancel it.  Dee went to her party, and Reena and I rode around and had dinner together. 

Reena had to list the mom's in order of strictness, and they came out:  Me, Her mom, A's mom, C's Mom and J's Mom.  Her mom is super easy, so that is a skewed view.  But I'm pretty sure she was right about me.  I took her iPod from her until I saw her brushing her teeth since I had been asking her for a day.

I was happy to see her mom come in on Sunday afternoon. 

IEP

Dee has an IEP for her ADHD.  She is doing pretty well being pulled for math and reading.  She seemed to really get the unit on geometry.  So her special ed teacher wrote and told me she was thinking about phasing her out of math.  I told her I disagreed with that plan.  The day before her IEP meeting, she sent a draft home, and it did not include math.  I was concerned.

I stayed up until midnight researching how to disagree with an IEP.  It helped.  I had to type out why I disagreed.  So when we started the meeting, she said "I know you are concerned about math."  I was able to state in a very clear manner why I did not think she was ready for math in a regular class.  I had brought examples of her work.  Her teacher said, "In my class, she gets this."  I said, "She is going to need to get this not just in your class, but her regular class and home too."

We finally agreed that she would stay in regular class for instruction.  She would then come down to special education for help.

She has made progress, but she is still far behind.  Someone suggested her IQ was far off.  The educational expert asked what I thought.  I said, "Her IQ is brought down by processing time.  It does take her a long time to process.  So it may be low, but not quite as low as she tests."  She said, "Let's make a note not to use WISC test next year when she is re-tested."  Apparently WISC gives more credit to processing speed.  Good to know.

All in all it was a good meeting.  I didn't make any enemies.  And I still find we are all on the same team.

That same night, was student-led conferences.  Dee did not do so well in leading, but that's because her friend was with us to spend a few nights.

When I Don't Blog...

I found that mom's words of "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing" must come to mind with blogging.  When I'm very exhausted or frustrated I just can't write.  So, the next few posts are things I remember from the past couple of weeks that I want to write about.  Now, I may be able to see them from a clearer perspective.

So...here we go!

A Shining Star

My little girl is doing so well during her school day.  I believe yesterday is the best day we have ever had.  First, her special ed teacher wrote and told me she was doing so well.  She is trying hard and has a good attitude.  That same day her aftercare director said she had had two EXCELLENT days.  She sent me an e-mail during the school day saying she was doing so well in her special ed math that she may be able to go to regular math for this subject.  She was proud!  So am I!

I pray that she is beginning to settle and get it.  She takes 300 mg of tripletpal, and one thing I did was rearrange those doses.  That may have helped. 

Yay Dee!!!!  Way to go!  Make your momma happy!!!

Today, I posted a note to Dee's birthmom using my special Facebook page I use for her.  As far as I know, she never checks it.  She has been on twice, and each time she set up a new page.

E,

This is Dee's adoptive mother. I wanted to tell you happy birthday from her and me. Here's how our talk went this morning on the way to school.

Dee remembered it was your birthday because I told her all week it was approaching:

Dee: Today is my birth mom's birthday.

Me: Happy Birthday E! The big 2! 9! Yay!

Dee: God, please be with E. Help her to be happy. Please give her the message so she knows I want her to have a happy birthday.

So, I thought it might be OK that God use me to get Dee's message to you. I didn't tell her to pray, but she said she sends lots of messages to you by prayer.

Have a wonderful day. Know she loves you a lot!


"K" - Not my actual name

So far behind

I haven't been keeping my blog up-to-date because I've been so tired.  I've been falling asleep before 9:00.  And there's just so much to do.  Let's see if I can remember anything!

Tires
I found out that my tires needed to be replaced.  I didn't want to pay the apparent $600 - $800.  So I've spent too much time thinking about it.  I did find that my front tires were OK for now, so I only replaced the back ones.   It's going to help in a couple of weeks when we make the three-hour drive for Dee's surprise sibling visit.

Doggies
Roxy is doing better, but is not happy.  That makes me sad.  I was hoping that getting those stones out would make her happier.  We have a foster dog, so that does not excite her.  Little Millie is being fostered by Dee.  I know when she gets adopted, Dee will not handle it well because they are hanging out a lot.  Chloe is doing fine.  She is happy and only asks for a little.

Season Inappropriate
Dee is dressing incorrectly for the season at all times.  I have no patience for it anymore.  When it was hitting sixties, she wore snow boots everyday.  Today it snowed a little, and she went bare legged, and wore those little plastic summer shoes with holes throughout.  She is known to put on thing t-shirts, and have asked to wear Capri's. 

Work
Work is super busy.  I need to work more than my regular hours, but I can't because I've been tired.

Dance
Dee has been moved from level one to level three in Hip Hop.  It was a nice e-mail.  They said they felt she was a fast learner and she was doing so well, they thought she could do level three.  She was proud...for a second.  Then she thought about it, and thought about failing, and said, "No thank you."  I had to take an honor and make it a duty.  I told her I could not let her give up in life before she tried.  It might be challenging, but the school thought she could do it.  I told her teacher she did not want to be there.  I threatened that if she didn't try, we'd drop Hip Hop and replace it with math tutoring.  (Yes, I thought that was genius.)  In the end, she had a ball, and has been dancing since!

Girl Drama
It always exists and Dee is always in the middle.  Last week my friend picked Dee up from school while I continued my tire search.  Dee was downcast.  When we met for dinner, Dee continued to be sad.  I couldn't get the whole story but something about someone saying she was "going out with Cody."  And then she had to go see the counselor.  She talked to her therapist, who told her to apologize.  So, I'm not sure all that is involved.  But it's constant, and it's driving me nuts too!

iPod
Dee is not allowed her iPod right now because she misused it at school.  Everyday she sabotages our nighttime routine, she loses another day.  She should get it back for home use on February  11th, but it's up to February 14th now.  She lost a day today.  I heard her crying long after I put her to bed.  I thought something was wrong, but remembered she lost a day, so I let her cry.  She is always testing.

Circle Your Answer
Dee is communicating a lot with note passing.  She will hand me a piece of paper with a question, and say, "Just circle your answer, don't say it.'  Yesterday, it was, "Can we go to the hair store?"  Yes or No.  The answer was no.  I found one in her notebook for me:  Circle one:  I love you.  I don't like you very much this moment.  She didn't give it to me.  But she always wants to see your answer within the realm of her context. 

Ready to start a week.  I need to get a lot done at work because I miss several days after this week.