In this house lives Grump Gus I (Dee) and Grumpy Gus II (me). I became a GG because of GG1. And...it's not fun! Sometimes, I am just too tired to live through my times with Dee again so my blog has been neglected. Dee has had some good days. Right now, she is lying for no reason and being just disrespectful. If she wants to get me riled...she has found the right buttons!
I am bribing her with her school field trip for behavior right now. If she really wants to go, she will be respecful.
Dee bought a bike at the neighborhood garage sale. The dogs enjoy riding in the baby seat that it has. I like seeing the girls on a bonding activity.
This week, Dee is the featured student (Top Dog) in her classroom. Tomorrow, she will be honored and I'll read a book. Yesterday, she did the student conference. She did well. Not consistently performing at school, but we all agree she has made great progress. Her moods impact her learning greatly.
I love it when she smiles, but she hasn't smiled much recently. I hope this period passes soon and she can be her real self for both of our sakes!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Weekend
This weekend, I told my child that I wasn't going to cook. She, the dogs, and I would walk to Sonic and eat. The next thing I know, other children had invited themselves. It was a fun time. Today, I watched the girls play well together, so I decided to take them to a movie as a reward.
One girl is 13, mine is 9 -- almost 10, and one is 8. Emotionally, they are all about the same age. The little 13 year old told us she is now living with her grandfather because last week her stepdad raped her. Her greatest fear is that she will be forced to go back home.
When we came back from the movies, I dropped her off first, and she cried. She is one child who does not feel safe. I feel bad for her. I told her that the investigations would take a while, and they would make sure she was safe before they sent her back, and that made her happy. That's how it should happen, I hope it does. Her grandfather said he doesn't know if she is here for a week, a few weeks, or a lifetime. I've known her for years because she does come to spend time with her grandfather.
My daughter realized this was a good weekend. She took her her shower, and said, "Mom, I feel like I'm going to cry." I told her it was either from too much good or she was sad about the story her friend told. I think it's the former. But I'm not sure... It is the second time she has had a difficult reaction. Friday, I wanted to use another friend's experience as a teaching moment. I told her that the little kindergartner has a friend at school who was touching her inappropriately. Dee yelled, "ASK EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, DO I CARE? NO I DO NOT!"
So many kids hurting. How do teachers even begin to teach?! It's pretty sad.
One girl is 13, mine is 9 -- almost 10, and one is 8. Emotionally, they are all about the same age. The little 13 year old told us she is now living with her grandfather because last week her stepdad raped her. Her greatest fear is that she will be forced to go back home.
When we came back from the movies, I dropped her off first, and she cried. She is one child who does not feel safe. I feel bad for her. I told her that the investigations would take a while, and they would make sure she was safe before they sent her back, and that made her happy. That's how it should happen, I hope it does. Her grandfather said he doesn't know if she is here for a week, a few weeks, or a lifetime. I've known her for years because she does come to spend time with her grandfather.
My daughter realized this was a good weekend. She took her her shower, and said, "Mom, I feel like I'm going to cry." I told her it was either from too much good or she was sad about the story her friend told. I think it's the former. But I'm not sure... It is the second time she has had a difficult reaction. Friday, I wanted to use another friend's experience as a teaching moment. I told her that the little kindergartner has a friend at school who was touching her inappropriately. Dee yelled, "ASK EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, DO I CARE? NO I DO NOT!"
So many kids hurting. How do teachers even begin to teach?! It's pretty sad.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Therapy Insights
I asked the our therapist to switch us from Individual Therapy to Family Therapy. She usually alternated, but I wanted her to know what I wanted the emphasis to be. She said she had to submit additional paperwork to the insurance company to have it qualify, but I think she must have done that. She mentioned to Dee that we were now doing Family therapy.
Dee had to explain a lot in this past session. She was telling the therapist that when I gave her a compliment recently she didn't like it in her heart. I told her she sounded like she liked it, and she said, "I didn't." Then she told the therapist that she liked the full happy balloon-like feeling she gets in her heart when she manages to get me to get a growl and mean looking face.
Two things I can think of: I need to stop caving in and becoming angry. I can beat this. And what did they do to my child that anger is a more comfortable feeling then happiness?
Dee also recently told me that sometimes she doesn't like me. I told her it was OK because sometimes I didn't like the things she does. She said, "That's the difference between us: I don't like you, and you don't like the things I do." I said good point. I shouldn't make so many sacrifices for someone who doesn't like me.
We are a typical dysfunctional family. We usually look OK on the outside, but what a mess we really are!!!
Dee had to explain a lot in this past session. She was telling the therapist that when I gave her a compliment recently she didn't like it in her heart. I told her she sounded like she liked it, and she said, "I didn't." Then she told the therapist that she liked the full happy balloon-like feeling she gets in her heart when she manages to get me to get a growl and mean looking face.
Two things I can think of: I need to stop caving in and becoming angry. I can beat this. And what did they do to my child that anger is a more comfortable feeling then happiness?
Dee also recently told me that sometimes she doesn't like me. I told her it was OK because sometimes I didn't like the things she does. She said, "That's the difference between us: I don't like you, and you don't like the things I do." I said good point. I shouldn't make so many sacrifices for someone who doesn't like me.
We are a typical dysfunctional family. We usually look OK on the outside, but what a mess we really are!!!
Downward Spiral
Each year our school district has a Father/Daughter dance and Mother/Son field day. Last year, Dee was new and we were unprepared. This year, she called my friend's husband and asked him to be her date.
He arrived with a corsage, and treated her like a queen. We all waited to eat until after their time at the dance. We sent two extroverts, so it was very late when they finally returned.
We had a great time after at dinner. Dee was on cloud 9! I warned her not to mess up the day with a bad one.
So...of course, the next morning while I was in the bathroom, Dee woke up, stole my car keys, and went to the car. She was sitting in the car, with it running. The parking lights were on, the trip odometer had been reset, the gas door was open, the trunk was popped, and she looked glassy-eyed. Fortunately, we park outside. Her response to my screaming and flailing my arms wildly while asking what she was doing, was "I had to turn on the heat." Later, she said, "I was looking for things."
Before she went to bed, I told her that if she continued to do dangerous things she'd kill herself. She said, "Mom...that's the point."
Perhaps I am mean. I just said, "If you are looking for someone to say, "Oh poor Dee..." Look elsewhere. That's between you and God. Only He gives life and only he can take it away. You answer to him."
Her therapist assured her she didn't want to miss things in her future. Her psychiatrist told her she'd hurt a lot of people.
I wish I could say that was the end of the downward spiral, but it's not.
She also didn't go to a classroom she was suppose to go to at school. Went to the music teacher instead. She wasn't there, so Dee stole items from her desk instead. So she just finished two days of suspension.
The therapist said Dee is very uncomfortable with good. But she needed to keep getting it in small doses to get use to it.
Today was a good day...pray for me tomorrow!
He arrived with a corsage, and treated her like a queen. We all waited to eat until after their time at the dance. We sent two extroverts, so it was very late when they finally returned.
We had a great time after at dinner. Dee was on cloud 9! I warned her not to mess up the day with a bad one.
So...of course, the next morning while I was in the bathroom, Dee woke up, stole my car keys, and went to the car. She was sitting in the car, with it running. The parking lights were on, the trip odometer had been reset, the gas door was open, the trunk was popped, and she looked glassy-eyed. Fortunately, we park outside. Her response to my screaming and flailing my arms wildly while asking what she was doing, was "I had to turn on the heat." Later, she said, "I was looking for things."
Before she went to bed, I told her that if she continued to do dangerous things she'd kill herself. She said, "Mom...that's the point."
Perhaps I am mean. I just said, "If you are looking for someone to say, "Oh poor Dee..." Look elsewhere. That's between you and God. Only He gives life and only he can take it away. You answer to him."
Her therapist assured her she didn't want to miss things in her future. Her psychiatrist told her she'd hurt a lot of people.
I wish I could say that was the end of the downward spiral, but it's not.
She also didn't go to a classroom she was suppose to go to at school. Went to the music teacher instead. She wasn't there, so Dee stole items from her desk instead. So she just finished two days of suspension.
The therapist said Dee is very uncomfortable with good. But she needed to keep getting it in small doses to get use to it.
Today was a good day...pray for me tomorrow!
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