Dee wrote some of her thoughts and feelings out at camp. She used a familiar style, what our devotions are in. I loved them. She gave me permission to share.
#1 Missing Mom/Home
Mom, I miss you so much, but my actions aren’t showing it cause it makes it look like I’m homesick, but today I’m not eating dinner. I don’t know why I’m not eating. Whenever I’m sad or mad or happy or etc, I start writing in this little book. It really helps me get my feelings out without showing people how I feel. Sometimes, I wish I was at home or at school or somewhere besides here.
I have some good news! I have gifts for you guys. Can’t wait to give them to you guys.
God, please help me not to become homesick . Amen
#2 Knowing if to love the devil or Not
Sometimes I feel like I hate people. But I can’t hate people. I’m a part of God’s family, not the Enemy’s, the devil. Well, God told me and the world to love our enemies even if they don’t like or love us. So I don’t know about that…about loving Satan.
God, please help me to know if I should love the devil or not. You told us to love our enemies, so I don’t know what to do. Amen.
#3 God Answering My Question
So if God said he was going to be with us whenever, wherever, then why doesn’t he answer me when I ask him a question. I mean people answer me right after I ask them a question (when we are not mad at each other) so why doesn’t God?
Is He too busy for me and my life and my family and my questions?
Please someone answer my questions because I’m not getting this.
Please help God. Amen.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Two Small Changes
Dee is back from camp. She had a great time, and they had good things to say about her week when I picked her up. She was super excited to come home and see how much the dogs had missed her. She also wanted to watch TV! I could tell she was not quite the moody girl who left, so that was very helpful. Her counselor wrote that she would be praying for her for the things that they talked about. This was the first time in the three camp trips that she took time to go through her stuff. She showed off her crafts, and explained things that happened. She is maturing. She use to come home and think, "Camp is over." and never consider that she could share the experience.
While she was gone, I was praying that I could find a better way to respond to that attitude of hers. On Pinterest, I ran across an article called 100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child. (http://creativewithkids.com/100-ways-to-be-kind-to-your-child). It's stuff we mostly know, but I'm not sure stuff I mostly do!
When you read through the list, you get a feel for the things you should do. The first thing I decided to do was to smile every time she entered the room. So when I'm in a room, if she walks in, I let my face light up with delight. All of us would love to be greeted that way.
The second thing I decided to do, though not exactly on the list...it was influenced by the list is: I will speak joyfully of her. Although the attitude and other behaviors may return, I would not expect them. I would speak about her with the same joy I had before she came home.
Because I think God is responding to my prayers, something unrelated happened that helped my resolve. After reading that list, I got an e-mail at work that my e-mail box was too full. When I started to clean out the box, I read all of the e-mails I had written in my adoption process. That Gale knew the challenges she was in for, and she was up for the task. She was excited and in love ... unconditionally. It re-energized and re-focused me.
So, let's try this this again with two small changes.
While she was gone, I was praying that I could find a better way to respond to that attitude of hers. On Pinterest, I ran across an article called 100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child. (http://creativewithkids.com/100-ways-to-be-kind-to-your-child). It's stuff we mostly know, but I'm not sure stuff I mostly do!
When you read through the list, you get a feel for the things you should do. The first thing I decided to do was to smile every time she entered the room. So when I'm in a room, if she walks in, I let my face light up with delight. All of us would love to be greeted that way.
The second thing I decided to do, though not exactly on the list...it was influenced by the list is: I will speak joyfully of her. Although the attitude and other behaviors may return, I would not expect them. I would speak about her with the same joy I had before she came home.
Because I think God is responding to my prayers, something unrelated happened that helped my resolve. After reading that list, I got an e-mail at work that my e-mail box was too full. When I started to clean out the box, I read all of the e-mails I had written in my adoption process. That Gale knew the challenges she was in for, and she was up for the task. She was excited and in love ... unconditionally. It re-energized and re-focused me.
So, let's try this this again with two small changes.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Dance Mom
Have you seen the TV show called "Dance Mom"? I have not, but people are often talking about it. I do not want to be a dance mom. I want to be a mom whose daughter takes dance -- casually! But the week of recital made me feel like all I did was dance stuff.
Monday, Dee finished her tumbling class. Tuesday, last day of lessons for tap and ballet. Wednesday, we had a day off! Thursday, dress practice. Be there early. Leave work early because really...your whole life should be your daughter's dancing. Friday, don't go to work. You have to find someone to put a phony pony-tail in your child's hair because a low left-side ponytail is part of the costume. So what if your child's hair doesn't go in a ponytail. (The school did not complain...but the kid did.)
She had to be there at 6:00 for the 7:30 show. People began to line up to get seats. I got in line. I heard last year, there were not enough seats for the tickets sold. I "saved" my five seats, even when they came over the speaker saying all seats had to be released. (Very dance mom.)
Dee did wonderful! She did so much better on her ballet. And she did well on tap and hip hop too. She didn't have make-up on like many of the girls, but she had her fake ponytail and some lip balm!
The next day, she started cheerleader clinic. I think she likes it, but she acted as if she would rather be doing hard labor.
Monday, Dee finished her tumbling class. Tuesday, last day of lessons for tap and ballet. Wednesday, we had a day off! Thursday, dress practice. Be there early. Leave work early because really...your whole life should be your daughter's dancing. Friday, don't go to work. You have to find someone to put a phony pony-tail in your child's hair because a low left-side ponytail is part of the costume. So what if your child's hair doesn't go in a ponytail. (The school did not complain...but the kid did.)
She had to be there at 6:00 for the 7:30 show. People began to line up to get seats. I got in line. I heard last year, there were not enough seats for the tickets sold. I "saved" my five seats, even when they came over the speaker saying all seats had to be released. (Very dance mom.)
Dee did wonderful! She did so much better on her ballet. And she did well on tap and hip hop too. She didn't have make-up on like many of the girls, but she had her fake ponytail and some lip balm!
The next day, she started cheerleader clinic. I think she likes it, but she acted as if she would rather be doing hard labor.
Look at that tongue...she is giving it her all!
My little ballerina (second from the right)
Final bow!
Giving autographs on the ad Chloe, Roxy and I placed for her (Dance mom and all)!
Time Apart
Dee is at camp. Royal Family Kid Camp which is for foster and adopted children who have experienced trauma. I love it. It's church-based. Volunteers who train heavily and want to give these kids the experience of a lifetime. Dee is very contrary these days, so of course, she did not want to go. I did tell her not to get homesick, and she said with feeling, "Oh, I won't." I told her, "I believe that to be true." She said good-bye and she would miss me, and never looked back.
On my part, I felt so much relief. I'm always happy when this week comes. I think God plants it when I need it most, but never more than this year. Next year, I have no idea what I am going to do because she will age out. I need calm time to think through how to deal with the constant of her bad attitude. I need to figure out how to give her what she really wants despite what she says and how mean she says it. and most importantly, I need to figure out how to stay calm and not get pulled into the attitude of it all!
She will be back in less than two days! I have a lot of work to do!
On my part, I felt so much relief. I'm always happy when this week comes. I think God plants it when I need it most, but never more than this year. Next year, I have no idea what I am going to do because she will age out. I need calm time to think through how to deal with the constant of her bad attitude. I need to figure out how to give her what she really wants despite what she says and how mean she says it. and most importantly, I need to figure out how to stay calm and not get pulled into the attitude of it all!
She will be back in less than two days! I have a lot of work to do!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Pre-Teen Years...OMG!
Dee brought home a bookmark that she was given from the school where she could read four books and with a teacher's or librarian's signature, she could get a free Wendy's Frosty. When I saw the paper, I accused her of forgery. She denied it. So I scanned it and asked the school administrator to verify it. To my surprise, they did. The teacher had asked her high school helper to sign it. I knew the signatures look young, but when I mentioned it to Dee, she said, "Maybe she is young! Not everyone has to write like they are 50!"
So, on the day when she was going to be exonerated, what does she do? She sneaks an old disabled cell phone to school. I found it, and tossed it in the trash on the way into the building.
When I picked her up, she was her normal moody self. The daycare worker told me she had a "little" boyfriend. I told her, "Dee is not allowed to have a boyfriend. She is 11." After a little talk, she said that apparently something happened, and Dee was sad. I suspect the boy told her to stop stalking her. She so wants to be a teen.
I told her I owed her an apology, but she remained moody. She didn't eat dinner. She wouldn't speak to the neighbor who stopped by.
I took her to tumbling and when I picked her up, she continued. I checked to be sure she was washing up, and she was. She has gained a ton of weight. I sure hope I did the birth control in time.
I'm a little concerned about the freedom they have in daycare. She is certainly making life difficult.
So, on the day when she was going to be exonerated, what does she do? She sneaks an old disabled cell phone to school. I found it, and tossed it in the trash on the way into the building.
When I picked her up, she was her normal moody self. The daycare worker told me she had a "little" boyfriend. I told her, "Dee is not allowed to have a boyfriend. She is 11." After a little talk, she said that apparently something happened, and Dee was sad. I suspect the boy told her to stop stalking her. She so wants to be a teen.
I told her I owed her an apology, but she remained moody. She didn't eat dinner. She wouldn't speak to the neighbor who stopped by.
I took her to tumbling and when I picked her up, she continued. I checked to be sure she was washing up, and she was. She has gained a ton of weight. I sure hope I did the birth control in time.
I'm a little concerned about the freedom they have in daycare. She is certainly making life difficult.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Appropriate Application
Tonight, our devotion was about going through problems and how God may allow you to do that so you can help someone else later. I mentioned to Dee that she has the ability to help so many because she understands people who hurt. I used foster children as an example. She told me about a girl she befriended at day camp who is a foster child, but she doesn't know why. Did her parents die? She doesn't know. And then the part that impressed me most was that she mentioned how the girl doesn't have confidence. She said casually, "She uses a wheelchair." I was so impressed that she didn't start the conversation with the fact that girl was a foster child or that she uses a wheelchair. It means she really sees the girl for who she is.
We talked about how she might be a good and encouraging friend to this girl. Then we prayed.
I am so pleased with how that thought processed worked in her.
We talked about how she might be a good and encouraging friend to this girl. Then we prayed.
I am so pleased with how that thought processed worked in her.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Amazed!
That's me! I'm amazed! My daughter is very different. I'm loving the kid she is. She is dealing with a lot of moodiness, but she is not so angry anymore.
Today at dinner, she prayed, "Thank you God that I did good in Middle School today." She started summer school, and it seemed to be a boost to her confidence.
We had to wake up very early and get out of the door this morning. We did it. She got up, got dressed, ate breakfast! I don't even know this life! But I know this...I love it!
I really pray that she is turning the corner. I hope that feels the boundaries I have in place that will keep her safe. And the freedom to just be a child!
It's exciting in our house. She is downstairs doing some summer work I have for her. She agreed to do it before school started today, but she seems motivated to do it. I'm really proud of her!
Today at dinner, she prayed, "Thank you God that I did good in Middle School today." She started summer school, and it seemed to be a boost to her confidence.
We had to wake up very early and get out of the door this morning. We did it. She got up, got dressed, ate breakfast! I don't even know this life! But I know this...I love it!
I really pray that she is turning the corner. I hope that feels the boundaries I have in place that will keep her safe. And the freedom to just be a child!
It's exciting in our house. She is downstairs doing some summer work I have for her. She agreed to do it before school started today, but she seems motivated to do it. I'm really proud of her!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Vacation
So, we finally took a "real" vacation. We spent the week before preparing for it, and spending too much money. Then we spent the week of vacation. I'm tired.
My biggest concern was the "too much good" issue we always have. I went over it with Miss Dee over and over. She really did much, much better than I anticipated.
The night before, we hung out with two of my friends that Dee calls "aunt" and had her family birthday party. It was very nice. Very simple. We opened gifts she had received and enjoyed the beginning of our vacation!
We left for Disney World on Saturday. We dropped off Chloe and Roxy at my friends. They looked really sad to know they were going to be left. Chloe usually spends the entire time hiding by her couch. She was much better this time. She even played.
We then left for the airport and fun adventure in Orlando at Mickey's house!
Dee did not enjoy Magic Kingdom. She tends to get fixated on one thing and wants nothing else. That day, she wanted to be at the swimming pool. Even though I told her that our ticket was for the entire day and we had to get our $160 worth out of it. She wanted to leave almost as soon as she arrived. It was actual birthday. She turned 11! I had prepaid for her to have dinner with the Princesses, but she wanted to swim. She didn't eat. She barely smiled. I keep saying, "She became happy when we left the happiest place on earth."
The next day, we slept in, and waited to meet our friend who writes the blog, Last Mom. I have known her for several years as we went through the entire adoption process together. But this was the first time we got to meet. Our girls are the same ages. It was to be "my" day during vacation. Dee told her therapist meeting Princess was her favorite part of vacation. We had so much fun watching our girls be themselves. They were able to relax knowing we were there, and knowing the other girl also had "issues." LastMom and I were sort of lost trying to figure out what our role was as they played together. And Dee...she finally got to swim...for a while. It rained a lot.
We then went to do some shopping and eat. Princess and her mom could not stay for dinner. But they sure made our vacation.
The next day -- our last full day in Orlando, we hit another park. It went much better! I read an article Last Mom had written on visiting parks and took some of her advice. Here's the article link: http://www.allthingsformom.com/tips_to_help_your_child_avoid_meltdowns_during_theme_park_vacations
We went to Hollywood Studios. She handled it much better. It was less overwhelming. We had fun. We came back and had a very nice dinner at our hotel. And prepared to come home the next day!
We didn't do anything the last day, but prepare to leave. We counted it as a very successful trip. I was glad to get my doggy girls, drink good water and be home! And because we continued to be on vacation from most responsibilities, Dee continued to handle it fairly well. The real test will be on Monday when I must return to work, and she had daycare, and we are rushing around!
My biggest concern was the "too much good" issue we always have. I went over it with Miss Dee over and over. She really did much, much better than I anticipated.
The night before, we hung out with two of my friends that Dee calls "aunt" and had her family birthday party. It was very nice. Very simple. We opened gifts she had received and enjoyed the beginning of our vacation!
We left for Disney World on Saturday. We dropped off Chloe and Roxy at my friends. They looked really sad to know they were going to be left. Chloe usually spends the entire time hiding by her couch. She was much better this time. She even played.
 |
| Can you see them peering in the doorway as we drove off? |
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| I got a note they had a "new Gale" - NOT! |
We then left for the airport and fun adventure in Orlando at Mickey's house!
Dee did not enjoy Magic Kingdom. She tends to get fixated on one thing and wants nothing else. That day, she wanted to be at the swimming pool. Even though I told her that our ticket was for the entire day and we had to get our $160 worth out of it. She wanted to leave almost as soon as she arrived. It was actual birthday. She turned 11! I had prepaid for her to have dinner with the Princesses, but she wanted to swim. She didn't eat. She barely smiled. I keep saying, "She became happy when we left the happiest place on earth."
The next day, we slept in, and waited to meet our friend who writes the blog, Last Mom. I have known her for several years as we went through the entire adoption process together. But this was the first time we got to meet. Our girls are the same ages. It was to be "my" day during vacation. Dee told her therapist meeting Princess was her favorite part of vacation. We had so much fun watching our girls be themselves. They were able to relax knowing we were there, and knowing the other girl also had "issues." LastMom and I were sort of lost trying to figure out what our role was as they played together. And Dee...she finally got to swim...for a while. It rained a lot.
We then went to do some shopping and eat. Princess and her mom could not stay for dinner. But they sure made our vacation.
The next day -- our last full day in Orlando, we hit another park. It went much better! I read an article Last Mom had written on visiting parks and took some of her advice. Here's the article link: http://www.allthingsformom.com/tips_to_help_your_child_avoid_meltdowns_during_theme_park_vacations
We went to Hollywood Studios. She handled it much better. It was less overwhelming. We had fun. We came back and had a very nice dinner at our hotel. And prepared to come home the next day!
We didn't do anything the last day, but prepare to leave. We counted it as a very successful trip. I was glad to get my doggy girls, drink good water and be home! And because we continued to be on vacation from most responsibilities, Dee continued to handle it fairly well. The real test will be on Monday when I must return to work, and she had daycare, and we are rushing around!
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