My little girl is flourishing. I get to see a peek of the young lady she will become. On most days we have a very easy insiders' banter going on. We are both "at home." What a nice feeling!
Dee has made the honor roll each quarter this year. I told her now I will expect it. She said, "You should. I'm a smart girl." And she is showing her intelligence. You can tell that she processes at a younger age, but as long as she is processing.
Last week, she bought some perfume from a vendor at the hair salon. The lady commented on what a mannerable and respectful young lady she was. The lady said looked at me and said, "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. You are doing a great job." Very cool for someone you've never seen or met. I asked Dee about that later and she said she felt proud, and I told her so did I.
Dee has told me that she requires positive and warm feedback. So I'm trying to give her that more. You can't overdo it with her or she will think she has finished and stop trying.
I let her have input in her daycare arrangements for the summer. She will continue to go at the school. She is opposed to change, so it doesn't surprise me.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Complete Opposite
Dee wanted to have her friend S over for the night. She didn't get to ask her, so I sent a text to S's mom and asked. Then I thought, "I'll go one step further. I also asked her friend's A's mom. When I told Dee, she was not happy. She only wanted s.
And I must say, DEE WAS RIGHT!
S & A mostly left Dee out. Dee did not help. She kept pulling away. She didn't go to get ice cream with us. She didn't eat the same thing we ate at breakfast. She didn't sleep on the floor with the girls, but came up to her to her bedroom. She complained the girls talked to loud.
I took the electronics early because they were not talking to her. It didn't matter. I didn't return them until everyone was dressed and had their teeth brushed. We took A home early.
With only Dee and S, it was a little better. Dee decided to show her power by being mean to me. She never once said anything respectful. I stopped talking to her. It would be something like, "Dee, what do you want for lunch?" "Nothing! Sheesh!" I'd get quiet, and she would say, "Mom are you OK?" I had to wait for her friend to leave this evening and tell her her disrespect of me or any other adult will not be tolerated.
I also have to go through her texts. I suspect they will be fine. I'm sure she had some I wouldn't approve of, but they were probably on her friends' phone. They are boy crazy. And one girl's mom has let her have a boyfriend at 11 or 12. They asked to go to the open gym nearby. NO! I know from the past that boys meet girls there. When Dee was texting before, she was planning to meet some boy who lived across the street. I learned my lesson from the chaos at the skating rink. Then they asked if they could walk to the convenience store. We live in the suburbs. That's just not what kids do. So, I don't think Dee will make great decisions if I'm not there to stop her.
I told her some things directly. Other things, I let her overhear me tell my mom about. So, this weekend is the exact opposite of last weekend! Darn it!
And I must say, DEE WAS RIGHT!
S & A mostly left Dee out. Dee did not help. She kept pulling away. She didn't go to get ice cream with us. She didn't eat the same thing we ate at breakfast. She didn't sleep on the floor with the girls, but came up to her to her bedroom. She complained the girls talked to loud.
I took the electronics early because they were not talking to her. It didn't matter. I didn't return them until everyone was dressed and had their teeth brushed. We took A home early.
With only Dee and S, it was a little better. Dee decided to show her power by being mean to me. She never once said anything respectful. I stopped talking to her. It would be something like, "Dee, what do you want for lunch?" "Nothing! Sheesh!" I'd get quiet, and she would say, "Mom are you OK?" I had to wait for her friend to leave this evening and tell her her disrespect of me or any other adult will not be tolerated.
I also have to go through her texts. I suspect they will be fine. I'm sure she had some I wouldn't approve of, but they were probably on her friends' phone. They are boy crazy. And one girl's mom has let her have a boyfriend at 11 or 12. They asked to go to the open gym nearby. NO! I know from the past that boys meet girls there. When Dee was texting before, she was planning to meet some boy who lived across the street. I learned my lesson from the chaos at the skating rink. Then they asked if they could walk to the convenience store. We live in the suburbs. That's just not what kids do. So, I don't think Dee will make great decisions if I'm not there to stop her.
I told her some things directly. Other things, I let her overhear me tell my mom about. So, this weekend is the exact opposite of last weekend! Darn it!
Changing...
I wrote this last weekend, but I thought I would add to it so I'm just publishing...
Dee and I had one of our best weekends ever. It's just part of seeing a girl who is coming into her own. It is easy to forget how far she has come when she does some things that set her back. It is more striking. But I really enjoyed her this weekend. I looked at her while talking about things important to her, and thought, "I think this is how I imagined it would be with a daughter." Dee kept saying, "What a great day!"
Dee said today that she felt like her brain has been covered with dust like the TV screen sometimes get. And she feels like it has been cleared and now she can think. She believes it started with her ability to learn.
I did have to mention to her that hyperactivity and happiness are not the same. She noticed she felt happy, and not wanting to let it go, she began to act hyper. Since she is so concrete, I had to actually tell her that they were not the same. I have learned hearing something is a big deal to her. She does not know how to get implied messages.
I wish we could bottle this weekend!
Dee and I had one of our best weekends ever. It's just part of seeing a girl who is coming into her own. It is easy to forget how far she has come when she does some things that set her back. It is more striking. But I really enjoyed her this weekend. I looked at her while talking about things important to her, and thought, "I think this is how I imagined it would be with a daughter." Dee kept saying, "What a great day!"
Dee said today that she felt like her brain has been covered with dust like the TV screen sometimes get. And she feels like it has been cleared and now she can think. She believes it started with her ability to learn.
I did have to mention to her that hyperactivity and happiness are not the same. She noticed she felt happy, and not wanting to let it go, she began to act hyper. Since she is so concrete, I had to actually tell her that they were not the same. I have learned hearing something is a big deal to her. She does not know how to get implied messages.
I wish we could bottle this weekend!
Monday, January 28, 2013
January 2013
I thought I'd write about this month since it's been so long. I've been busy studying for my certification exam. Even though Dee advise me to "wing it," I studied for four months, with the last five weeks intensively studying. I passed, so it was worth the effort.
Dee has been doing OK. She continues with the attitude. But she is showing herself to be more mature. I was thinking earlier today how I miss the little girl she use to be...not the raging part...the other part! She would describe herself as an extroverted tomboy. She is actually a lot less extroverted than she was before puberty began. She is friendly but reticent, and the other extreme of tomboy.
She is not doing as well in school. She pushes me away for help. We have agreed that grades will speak for themselves. If she gets a poor grade, then there are consequences. She loses her electronics until the grade is brought up. She expects that to happen this week. It might be the push she needs.
Dee is getting a $11.50 a week for allowance. It's her age 11 1/2. She can lose money for disrespect, and not completing her list of predefine chores. She has to load and unload the dishwasher, take out the recyclables, clean the downstairs bathroom, vacuum the living room and clean her room. She hasn't gotten the full $11.50 yet, but she has gotten $10.50 twice and $8.50 once. She used her own money to buy a blouse.
She wants to take a babysitting course. It costs $100. I told her I would pay $67, if she will pay $33. I guess that is on hold.
I had told her in the fall about a letter her birth mom had sent. She mentioned it in therapy. So I finally gave it to her. I told her it wasn't as big a deal as she was making it, so I didn't want her to obsess over it. She is pleased to have it. She has been wanting to see her birth mom's signature for a while. I'm sure she has been searching for it. She asked me where I had kept it. I told her I needed my own secrets.
She told me that they were talking in Sunday School about the two big problems they see in middle school: cutting and bullying. She mentioned that some the kids cutting need therapy. Someone said, "That's mean." She said, "I go to therapy and it has helped me a lot." She then told me that she wasn't ashamed. I'm sure she will be now. She has become more self-conscious about taking medication too.
All in all...things are going well.
Chloe is getting sicker with her congestive heart failure. But she seems happy. Rox is her normal depressed self.
Dee has been doing OK. She continues with the attitude. But she is showing herself to be more mature. I was thinking earlier today how I miss the little girl she use to be...not the raging part...the other part! She would describe herself as an extroverted tomboy. She is actually a lot less extroverted than she was before puberty began. She is friendly but reticent, and the other extreme of tomboy.
She is not doing as well in school. She pushes me away for help. We have agreed that grades will speak for themselves. If she gets a poor grade, then there are consequences. She loses her electronics until the grade is brought up. She expects that to happen this week. It might be the push she needs.
Dee is getting a $11.50 a week for allowance. It's her age 11 1/2. She can lose money for disrespect, and not completing her list of predefine chores. She has to load and unload the dishwasher, take out the recyclables, clean the downstairs bathroom, vacuum the living room and clean her room. She hasn't gotten the full $11.50 yet, but she has gotten $10.50 twice and $8.50 once. She used her own money to buy a blouse.
She wants to take a babysitting course. It costs $100. I told her I would pay $67, if she will pay $33. I guess that is on hold.
I had told her in the fall about a letter her birth mom had sent. She mentioned it in therapy. So I finally gave it to her. I told her it wasn't as big a deal as she was making it, so I didn't want her to obsess over it. She is pleased to have it. She has been wanting to see her birth mom's signature for a while. I'm sure she has been searching for it. She asked me where I had kept it. I told her I needed my own secrets.
She told me that they were talking in Sunday School about the two big problems they see in middle school: cutting and bullying. She mentioned that some the kids cutting need therapy. Someone said, "That's mean." She said, "I go to therapy and it has helped me a lot." She then told me that she wasn't ashamed. I'm sure she will be now. She has become more self-conscious about taking medication too.
All in all...things are going well.
Chloe is getting sicker with her congestive heart failure. But she seems happy. Rox is her normal depressed self.
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