We are not allowed to use the word "dumb" in our house, so I tried to think of something else to call this post, but really...nothing else describes it as well.
Yesterday, when I turned on the stove, I realized the coils of the burner I was going to use was crooked. I tried to right it before the burner warmed up. For the record: Burners warm up IMMEDIATELY! I called Dee, and asked her to bring the first aid kit. While I worked on my burnt fingers that came flesh to coil with the burner, Dee had to finish cooking dinner.
I was in serious pain. During that time, Dee said, "I told you I was the brains of this house." Not appreciated at the time, but she did have a good point. Then as we sat to eat, I just cried in pain. Dee took the phone called my mom. "Grandma, your daughter burnt her hand on the stove and she is crying." My mom told her to have me run cold water on it, and if it continues she may need to go to the doctor." Dee sat down to dinner, and I cried out in pain. She grabbed the phone. I asked her who she was calling, "9-1-1." I grabbed the phone. She said I needed an ambulance and began to plan her life with me away:
I won't go to school tomorrow. I'll call grandma and she can tell me how to cook everyday. I will have a major party.
Meanwhile, I was still crying in pain. I tried burn ointment, water, ice, frozen everything in the freezer. Finally, I read about flour. I grabbed a bag out of the freezer and stuck my hand in it. I took an acetamenophin with Codeine from three years ago, and between those two...it became bearable.
Dee was proud of herself. So was I. But I was also struck with how attachment or lack thereof reared its ugly head. She showed a little concern for me, but she detached, and plan her life without me...rather quickly.
We talked about it today. She assured me that she loves me and she would miss me. I told her in the book I'm reading there was a line, "Until you love me, you can never trust." And I told her that is where I think we are. She said, "I do love you." I asked her if she felt I loved her. She said even when I'm angry, she knows I love her. So...we have made some progress. There's still so much more to do.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
So much!
My little girl is not being very nice. She has the attitude that won't quit and she is just acting rather mean and entitled. I've tried various things with her, but nothing seems to work. In fact, I think to pay me back, she even urinated on some clothes and stuffed them back in my drawer.
I've had to work hard at not picking up her attitude. I think that is driving her nuts even more.
This morning, for the second day in a row, she refused to get up for school. She was testing to see if I would do what I said. I put her clothes in the car and gave her a minute to get out. She came out as slowly as she could. I left her and came back five minutes later. I gave her the option of going to the police station for truancy or to school.
On the way to school, I told her that I've done a lot of things to make her feel loved and special. Normally, that person would try to make me feel loved and special too. But she thinks "I'm loved and special, and you are not...and I'll prove it to you." I told her that I wanted her to know three things: 1) I am special! 2) I am loved. 3)I'm going to prove 1 and 2 to her.
She didn't have time to grab her eyeglasses this morning, but she did grab her new shoes her aunt sent her yesterday. (When she called my sister, my sister told her she was surprised I gave it to her. Children who are disrespectful should not get new shoes. Dee assured her she had changed.)
As I left the school building, she told me she was going to make a plan. I told her it was a good idea because her current one is not working. And then after all this early morning drama, she asked "Mom, does skinny jeans go well with high tops?"
On the way to work, I thought "I think it was around this time of the year when her and her siblings came into care for the final time. They were home for about a month, and then re-entered the foster care system. Maybe her body knows.
On another note, I have gotten permission to take her to see her younger brother. She has not been allowed contact with her siblings because she is a bad influence on them. I won't tell her about it until late February when we are well on our way in our three hour drive there. I'm excited for her, but I wish she were mentally healthier.
I've had to work hard at not picking up her attitude. I think that is driving her nuts even more.
This morning, for the second day in a row, she refused to get up for school. She was testing to see if I would do what I said. I put her clothes in the car and gave her a minute to get out. She came out as slowly as she could. I left her and came back five minutes later. I gave her the option of going to the police station for truancy or to school.
On the way to school, I told her that I've done a lot of things to make her feel loved and special. Normally, that person would try to make me feel loved and special too. But she thinks "I'm loved and special, and you are not...and I'll prove it to you." I told her that I wanted her to know three things: 1) I am special! 2) I am loved. 3)I'm going to prove 1 and 2 to her.
She didn't have time to grab her eyeglasses this morning, but she did grab her new shoes her aunt sent her yesterday. (When she called my sister, my sister told her she was surprised I gave it to her. Children who are disrespectful should not get new shoes. Dee assured her she had changed.)
As I left the school building, she told me she was going to make a plan. I told her it was a good idea because her current one is not working. And then after all this early morning drama, she asked "Mom, does skinny jeans go well with high tops?"
On the way to work, I thought "I think it was around this time of the year when her and her siblings came into care for the final time. They were home for about a month, and then re-entered the foster care system. Maybe her body knows.
On another note, I have gotten permission to take her to see her younger brother. She has not been allowed contact with her siblings because she is a bad influence on them. I won't tell her about it until late February when we are well on our way in our three hour drive there. I'm excited for her, but I wish she were mentally healthier.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Home Life
Rox continues to mend. She has dealt with lots of nausea. I took her back once, and may have to do it again, but she seemed to perk up a little yesterday.
Dee on the other hand, is driving me bonkers. She has an attitude that won't quit. We saw her psychiatrist for medication. I think she could pick up that I was tired of Dee's games. She asked if Dee was just disrespectful and full of attitude when I gave her something to do. I had to tell her, it's even when I do something "nice" for her.
This morning, I said, "You need socks. It's super cold." She started with the attitude. I kicked her out of my room, and told her not to talk to me for the rest of the morning. That...she doesn't mind. She minds that I did not give her her iPod to use for reading.
My little attached deficient child's iPod is in my purse. When I turned it on, I saw her wallpaper is that of her birthmom and two siblings she never has met.
Chloe, my child who is doing good right now is just fine. She just needed to be mentioned!
Dee on the other hand, is driving me bonkers. She has an attitude that won't quit. We saw her psychiatrist for medication. I think she could pick up that I was tired of Dee's games. She asked if Dee was just disrespectful and full of attitude when I gave her something to do. I had to tell her, it's even when I do something "nice" for her.
This morning, I said, "You need socks. It's super cold." She started with the attitude. I kicked her out of my room, and told her not to talk to me for the rest of the morning. That...she doesn't mind. She minds that I did not give her her iPod to use for reading.
My little attached deficient child's iPod is in my purse. When I turned it on, I saw her wallpaper is that of her birthmom and two siblings she never has met.
Chloe, my child who is doing good right now is just fine. She just needed to be mentioned!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Roxy's Surgery
My little Rocky is home from the hospital. I was way more glad to see her than she was to see me. I'm blaming anesthesia.
 |
| On her way to surgery |
She is doing real well. She struggles to urinate, but they did cut her bladder, so that makes sense. She has 13 staples. And from diagnosis to coming home, it cost $1,110. She is worth every penny, but we just don't have an extra thousand dollars lying around.
 |
| 13 staples |
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Rox is Having Surgery
My little Roxy Hope is having surgery tomorrow to get all of those stones out of her bladder. I hope she feels much better. Our vet ordered her a special food, that I'm not sure she will eat, but it's critical to at least try to keep stones from forming in her bladder.
This is Roxy's second bladder stone surgery. She had one about four years ago. She was three then, now she is seven. It scares me a little more. I worried last time that she had to stay at the vet even though no one works at night. This time I'm less worried about that because she was so drugged last time, I don't think she even knew she was there. It doesn't make sense to me that she has to stay there. I worry they may come in to a dog that had a heart attack during the night, but what good would being there do?
I bought a Frosty from Wendy's and we shared it. I wanted her to have some special treatment. Roxy is my sweet-tooth girl. (Chloe is more a protein girl.)
I don't think she will go as willingly into the vet's office tomorrow. She has stayed the day two times in a week, so I think she has caught on. Poor baby. I cried last time I took her for surgery, and I suspect I will do it again.
I know they will do their best. I insisted my 30-year old vet does the surgery. I know he is young, but I suspect he'd rather do most anything than tell me something happened to my dog. And that little fear will help him do his best.
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(This section is about Dee's period. It can be graphic. Please skip if you'd like.)
Today, is Day 3 of Dee being on her period. My child is very, very literal. So I do make a special effort to tell her exactly what I want her to know. She does not have the ability to transfer, infer or draw conclusions on her own. Here's some of our menstrual conversations.
#1
I told Dee that she had to stop before she left any bathroom and turn and look at the toilet. I said, "Make sure there is no blood left on the toilet seat, and all pads are wrapped and thrown away properly." My sweet little girl asked, "Why would there be blood on the toilet?" I thought that was the end of that conversation. This morning, while I was showering, etc., Dee knocked on the door. She wanted me to know the blood had changed colors, and that there was blood in the toilet. I told her, "That's how periods work." And as I closed the bathroom door, I heard her mumble to herself as she went down the stairs, "I thought it was suppose to go in the pad."
#2
Dee had dance tonight, so she took her dance clothes to school. She changes into her dance wear because we need every minute we can get to make there in time. When I checked her school bag later this evening, I saw her underwear in it. I asked her if she put her pad in her leotard. (I was going to tell her that is not OK.) But she said, "No, it was pretty full, so I threw it away." I asked if she had on any pad, and she said, "No." So I used more picture forming words, "When you are on your period, you must wear underwear and a pad at all times except when you are in the bathtub." I hope that covers it.
#3
Why do we have periods monthly? Why can't the blood come out all at once? I told her it was the way God made us. So, she has decided to take it up with Him.
This is Roxy's second bladder stone surgery. She had one about four years ago. She was three then, now she is seven. It scares me a little more. I worried last time that she had to stay at the vet even though no one works at night. This time I'm less worried about that because she was so drugged last time, I don't think she even knew she was there. It doesn't make sense to me that she has to stay there. I worry they may come in to a dog that had a heart attack during the night, but what good would being there do?
I bought a Frosty from Wendy's and we shared it. I wanted her to have some special treatment. Roxy is my sweet-tooth girl. (Chloe is more a protein girl.)
I don't think she will go as willingly into the vet's office tomorrow. She has stayed the day two times in a week, so I think she has caught on. Poor baby. I cried last time I took her for surgery, and I suspect I will do it again.
I know they will do their best. I insisted my 30-year old vet does the surgery. I know he is young, but I suspect he'd rather do most anything than tell me something happened to my dog. And that little fear will help him do his best.
----------------------------------------------------------------
(This section is about Dee's period. It can be graphic. Please skip if you'd like.)
Today, is Day 3 of Dee being on her period. My child is very, very literal. So I do make a special effort to tell her exactly what I want her to know. She does not have the ability to transfer, infer or draw conclusions on her own. Here's some of our menstrual conversations.
#1
I told Dee that she had to stop before she left any bathroom and turn and look at the toilet. I said, "Make sure there is no blood left on the toilet seat, and all pads are wrapped and thrown away properly." My sweet little girl asked, "Why would there be blood on the toilet?" I thought that was the end of that conversation. This morning, while I was showering, etc., Dee knocked on the door. She wanted me to know the blood had changed colors, and that there was blood in the toilet. I told her, "That's how periods work." And as I closed the bathroom door, I heard her mumble to herself as she went down the stairs, "I thought it was suppose to go in the pad."
#2
Dee had dance tonight, so she took her dance clothes to school. She changes into her dance wear because we need every minute we can get to make there in time. When I checked her school bag later this evening, I saw her underwear in it. I asked her if she put her pad in her leotard. (I was going to tell her that is not OK.) But she said, "No, it was pretty full, so I threw it away." I asked if she had on any pad, and she said, "No." So I used more picture forming words, "When you are on your period, you must wear underwear and a pad at all times except when you are in the bathtub." I hope that covers it.
#3
Why do we have periods monthly? Why can't the blood come out all at once? I told her it was the way God made us. So, she has decided to take it up with Him.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The Seven Dreaded Words
I think at different ages, there are different things you'd rather not hear your kid say. For instance:
I heard the ones today for your 10-year old daughter: "Mom, I think my period has started." And yes, it did. Dee is so happy. She is dancing around. She is so happy and so proud! Her mom...not so much! This opens so many doors I wanted to keep closed.
This child, who has a porn problem, now with grown-up hormones and child-birthing abilities. Scary! And has she completed most of her growing already? We want her taller for her strong bone structure.
And what do you do with a child on her period, who doesn't EVER flush the toilet? Can she start?
I am glad she is excited. It's better than being scared or angry. She was prepared. We've talked a lot about it. She has memorized the Tampon Company pamphlet she received at school. She was not scared at all.
Today, we talked for the zillionth time about leaving a clean bathroom at home and school. We started charting her days. I will teach her how to know when to expect it.
Her body fat percentage on our scale is 14. We've been expecting it since it hit 13%. I saw a documentary once that said at 13% body fat, girls have enough estrogen to start.
In my day, my mom would call everyone and tell them "Dee has become a young lady." Let's go with that...it is more positive than anything I can come up with.
- Age 4, you don't want to hear the kid say, "I want to wear pampers again Mommy."
- At age 15, you don't want your kid to say, "I need to get some birth control."
- At age 18, your worst fear is hearing, "Thanks I'm going to my 'real' mom."
- At age 30, "Can we come and live with you?"
I heard the ones today for your 10-year old daughter: "Mom, I think my period has started." And yes, it did. Dee is so happy. She is dancing around. She is so happy and so proud! Her mom...not so much! This opens so many doors I wanted to keep closed.
This child, who has a porn problem, now with grown-up hormones and child-birthing abilities. Scary! And has she completed most of her growing already? We want her taller for her strong bone structure.
And what do you do with a child on her period, who doesn't EVER flush the toilet? Can she start?
I am glad she is excited. It's better than being scared or angry. She was prepared. We've talked a lot about it. She has memorized the Tampon Company pamphlet she received at school. She was not scared at all.
Today, we talked for the zillionth time about leaving a clean bathroom at home and school. We started charting her days. I will teach her how to know when to expect it.
Her body fat percentage on our scale is 14. We've been expecting it since it hit 13%. I saw a documentary once that said at 13% body fat, girls have enough estrogen to start.
In my day, my mom would call everyone and tell them "Dee has become a young lady." Let's go with that...it is more positive than anything I can come up with.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
New Year...Slow Beginnings
Dee became very use to the time off we had. Even though we only did four-day weekends, we had two of them in a row. It was very relaxing and nice to be home. She was not excited school started back this week, but I was. I felt we needed some routine.
Dee's teacher is allowing them to bring their electronics in to school to read e-books. I think it's nice she is encouraging them in any way, but I only foresee problems. The district has a policy of no electronics at school. Some kid will lose their iPod, Nook or Kindle. I hope it works out. Dee begged and even though I'm going to miss the big investment I have in this iPod, I said OK. Of course, we had to rush and download a book!
Last night Dee knew her teacher was considering this so she asked. I told her I needed to hear it from the teacher. She asked me to not give her her iPod. (I keep it during the night hours.) She told me she had plans to sneak it, and it was making her not sleep. I congratulated her on feeling guilty BEFORE she did the wrong thing instead of AFTER. It's a huge step. She did substitute and try to sneak her lotions and lip balms to school. But when I asked what she had with her that should not go to school, she said, "OK, fine." And took the bag of items out. I explained to her after school why she could not take that kind of stuff. It would distract her to no end.
Today Dee's quarterly bank statement came in the mail. She was scared to open it since she has not put any money in during the entire quarter. She has not done a good job of saving in 2011. She saved $59. She could have done more.
Roxy has been acting like she has a urinary tract infection. I took her to the vet. We think her urate stones are back. That can't be comfortable. My poor baby. She had an x-ray, and is due for an ultrasound next week. Vet bills are one big expense. Yesterday's x-rays and visit was $176.00. If I have it, my baby is worth it.
Chloe is just being her sweet self. She does not like having a foster dog in the house. She has been having vivid dreams involving screams. She is twice the size of the foster and the foster doesn't care about her. But she is stressed.
Me...I've had a horrible cold. I wish it was more than a cold because it has gotten me down, and it seems like it should be something with a more severe name than a "common" cold!
2012...we're loving it so far! Praise God!
Dee's teacher is allowing them to bring their electronics in to school to read e-books. I think it's nice she is encouraging them in any way, but I only foresee problems. The district has a policy of no electronics at school. Some kid will lose their iPod, Nook or Kindle. I hope it works out. Dee begged and even though I'm going to miss the big investment I have in this iPod, I said OK. Of course, we had to rush and download a book!
Last night Dee knew her teacher was considering this so she asked. I told her I needed to hear it from the teacher. She asked me to not give her her iPod. (I keep it during the night hours.) She told me she had plans to sneak it, and it was making her not sleep. I congratulated her on feeling guilty BEFORE she did the wrong thing instead of AFTER. It's a huge step. She did substitute and try to sneak her lotions and lip balms to school. But when I asked what she had with her that should not go to school, she said, "OK, fine." And took the bag of items out. I explained to her after school why she could not take that kind of stuff. It would distract her to no end.
Today Dee's quarterly bank statement came in the mail. She was scared to open it since she has not put any money in during the entire quarter. She has not done a good job of saving in 2011. She saved $59. She could have done more.
Roxy has been acting like she has a urinary tract infection. I took her to the vet. We think her urate stones are back. That can't be comfortable. My poor baby. She had an x-ray, and is due for an ultrasound next week. Vet bills are one big expense. Yesterday's x-rays and visit was $176.00. If I have it, my baby is worth it.
Chloe is just being her sweet self. She does not like having a foster dog in the house. She has been having vivid dreams involving screams. She is twice the size of the foster and the foster doesn't care about her. But she is stressed.
Me...I've had a horrible cold. I wish it was more than a cold because it has gotten me down, and it seems like it should be something with a more severe name than a "common" cold!
2012...we're loving it so far! Praise God!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Dee's Confession of Faith
I couldn't remember exactly when Dee asked Christ into her heart. So I went back through e-mails. I want to save this so I'm putting it out on my blog for future reference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: Dee
To: mmarrs
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:09 PM
HI, paster i gest wanting to tell you that I ASKED GOD IN MY HART LASTNIGHT ! and i want to be baptized whenever you have a time.P.S i want to show the world that i'm the knew Chistian P.S thankyou for teaching me about God.
Dee P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: Dee
To: mmarrs
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:09 PM
HI, paster i gest wanting to tell you that I ASKED GOD IN MY HART LASTNIGHT ! and i want to be baptized whenever you have a time.P.S i want to show the world that i'm the knew Chistian P.S thankyou for teaching me about God.
Dee P
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