Today the school had their bully prevention presentation. Parents were invited, but it interfered with my work day. The home-based teacher sent his daily e-mail at noon saying it went well, but the kids were emotional. At 2:45, Dee sent me a text that said she thought she was being bullied. It came down to a girl who said Dee had kissed a boy. I told Dee that was teasing or lying (after I made sure she did not kiss a boy). But it would only become bullying if she kept at it and made her feel bad.
Then tonight, her friends called her from the skating rink. We live around the corner, so we joined them. It was a full of Middle Schoolers with zero parent supervision. I was there, and had a hard time keeping up with Dee. Most parents were not there.
At one point I looked for Dee, and found her in a group. Her friend was being "kicked out." Apparently, she had been in altercation with another girl. I know this friend has no social skills, and her mom often feels she is bullied. But someone taped it, and I watched it. Dee's friend was the bully. Dee didn't realize that, and she struggled with telling the other girl not to bully her friend or calling 9-1-1. But she just stood there. Dee said she understood she was a bystander and bystanders are as guilty as the next person. She said she felt guilty. (Look at her process!) I told her she was right, she did not make the right decision, but it was better than her joining in. She should have told an adult. She had me there. She should have gotten me. If I were not there, she should have told the staff, like someone else must have done. If she were at a place with no adult, then she should call 9-1-1.
The next time I couldn't find Dee, I sought her out and said, "Enough of this. We're going home." (She, of course, was purposely avoiding me.) I walked the rink twice looking for her and so I know she was not where she said she was. She did not ever put on a pair of skates. It was scary there. Kids too young showing too much PDA, using bad language and not many skating. As we walked home (2 minutes) I explained to Dee why she would never go to the skating rink on a Friday night. I also told her I didn't like how she purposely avoided me, or that she ignored my text. (She didn't know she had received it.)Then when I got home, I called Dee's two friends' parents and told them get their children, or I could go back to get them for them. Dee said, "I didn't think about it until I heard you talking to Miss Jackie, that we just left them there." So she pulled some things together. But even with training, she didn't know who the bully was today, or what to do. And with a little freedom, she made a series of wrong choices.
That $7 was worth the lesson!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Middle School
Note: Middle School schedule is killing me! This post has been sitting half-written for a week!
Dee has been excited and nervous about Middle School. I could tell because when she should have been concentrating on other things, she'd ask a random question about school.
Two days before school started, they had "Back to School" night. We had to meet the teachers, check out lockers again, etc. I invited Dee's two friends and their moms to go out with the girls. It was very fun, and they had a chance to be nervous together.
Dee was super proud of her locker. And she and her freinds were hopeful and nervous for the whole experience. Lockers were no big deal when I was in school, but it was all about the lockers that day. I'm ashamed to say I spent about $40 on locker stuff..feeding into the frenzy.
At Dee's school, it's only 6th grade. They split the 800 kids into 8 or 10 teams. Dee has been a different person. She rides the bus, for the first time. She has done amazingly well!
On the third day of school, her home-base teacher called. (I thought and even said, "It's only Day 3!") But every teacher on her team was in on the call, and it was to declare that Dee had done well enough to be called a "Rock Star." She and three other kids earned special privileges. How exciting and confidence building for her. The best part of Rock Star is that the behavior spilled over to home. We had a super pleasant last week, and a pretty good this week.
Now that she is a middle schooler, one of her favorite things to do is to walk around with a Twilight book trying to look studious, or to open her math book to page 300 and copy the sample -- intently. So far, I must say, Middle School rocks!
Dee has been excited and nervous about Middle School. I could tell because when she should have been concentrating on other things, she'd ask a random question about school.
Two days before school started, they had "Back to School" night. We had to meet the teachers, check out lockers again, etc. I invited Dee's two friends and their moms to go out with the girls. It was very fun, and they had a chance to be nervous together.
Dee was super proud of her locker. And she and her freinds were hopeful and nervous for the whole experience. Lockers were no big deal when I was in school, but it was all about the lockers that day. I'm ashamed to say I spent about $40 on locker stuff..feeding into the frenzy.
At Dee's school, it's only 6th grade. They split the 800 kids into 8 or 10 teams. Dee has been a different person. She rides the bus, for the first time. She has done amazingly well!
On the third day of school, her home-base teacher called. (I thought and even said, "It's only Day 3!") But every teacher on her team was in on the call, and it was to declare that Dee had done well enough to be called a "Rock Star." She and three other kids earned special privileges. How exciting and confidence building for her. The best part of Rock Star is that the behavior spilled over to home. We had a super pleasant last week, and a pretty good this week.
Now that she is a middle schooler, one of her favorite things to do is to walk around with a Twilight book trying to look studious, or to open her math book to page 300 and copy the sample -- intently. So far, I must say, Middle School rocks!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Church Youth Group
Dee was so excited when she went to the 6th graders intro to youth group. It seemed so grown up and fun. Then today, we went to service, and she had Sunday School for the first time in the youth department. It's the first time in two years I would not be her teacher. When we arrived at the doorway and she saw kids from 11 - 17, she burst into tears. I had to take her back to my class and let her calm down. After a while, more kids her age arrived, so I took her back. I mouthed to one of the kids her age she was nervous and left.
She had an OK time. She was thrilled with the fact they have a little store where you can buy candy, and treats.
She assured me she would be the same way on Wednesday when she starts Middle School. A little bit ago, she came in my room to get clothes for her baby doll, Kaitaya. So, this change is hard for her.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
The Letter
The letter came today from Dee's birth mom. It's sincere, but it's also vague. She says she is sorry, but she doesn't say why. She assures Dee she will tell her everything she wants to know. She will make up for anything she didn't do right, though she tried her best. It is full of love, but it is also disconcerting because it has no closure. I think it would mess Dee up a lot. It was a nice letter, but there is just something hanging.
She doesn't tell Dee anything about her life now. She is sorry she is not here when Dee needs her.
The biggest plus is she apparently loves her. I'll take it to show to the therapist, and then to a safety deposit box.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Tidbits
There are several things I want to catch up on.
Dee
Dee has been doing well. Her teeny bopper attitude does get on my nerve, but I feel she is handling a little more freedom and responsibility. I'm not sure how it's going to work when she has to add school duties.
She is so excited about being in middle school. Well...not the school part, but her first day of school outfit, and decorating her locker. I had to work hard in school for my C, so I know how she feels. Before school starts, you can daydream that you will be an A student this year.
She spent so much money on her locker decorations, I told her she'd have to find a backpack in the basement and re-use it. She was fine with it But it must have bugged her. The next day, she asked if we could please go get a backpack. We found an inexpensive one that she really liked. On the way from shopping she asked, "Mom what is your blessings?" I said I have many. She asked what the greatest one was. I said my salvation. She agreed then told me after that it was her family, and her mom. I knew then that getting that backpack had become a big deal to her.
Chloe
Chloe did not have a good result on her kidney test. We are continuing with the meds, but if the meds mess with her kidney, then she will either die from congestive heart failure or kidney failure. I asked which was the least painful. The vet said we should not worry about that now. I did some research, and think we should have fasted her before her blood test. I will have her fast next time and not take her medicine. I'm hopeful. And between the two, I think kidney failure is the more gentler death. Getting pills down her throat is going to kill me. But this week, I think we will get some liquid meds.
Roxy
I guess Rox did not want to be left out. She was napping on the floor and her ear was flipped over. I saw she was suffering from one of her ear infections, but it was horrible! We are now treating her.
Youth Group
Dee went to our church's youth group welcome tonight. She had a ball. Even though they only had the 6th graders tonight, she liked the idea that older kids will be there. I met her teacher who has not taught at our church, but she works with at-risk kids. I think she will be good for Dee.
Birth Family Ghosts
Dee's former social worker sent a note today that he met with Dee's birth mother a couple of weeks ago. She is trying to adopt one of the siblings. He told her to write an apology to each kid for her part in their neglect and abuse. The letter to Dee came today. He is sending it on. I will not tell or give Dee the letter until later in her life. Now is not the time.
Tired...And Getting More Tired
Our fall schedule is a mess:
Mondays - Therapy (every other week) and Dance (weekly)
Tuesdays - Tutoring (weekly) and Dance (weekly)
Wednesdays - Youth Group (weekly except when we have therapy)
Thursdays - Free!
Fridays - Free!
Saturday - Tutoring
So, I'm enjoying this week! Our last week of summer dance (only once a week); and no tutoring!
Dee
Dee has been doing well. Her teeny bopper attitude does get on my nerve, but I feel she is handling a little more freedom and responsibility. I'm not sure how it's going to work when she has to add school duties.
She is so excited about being in middle school. Well...not the school part, but her first day of school outfit, and decorating her locker. I had to work hard in school for my C, so I know how she feels. Before school starts, you can daydream that you will be an A student this year.
She spent so much money on her locker decorations, I told her she'd have to find a backpack in the basement and re-use it. She was fine with it But it must have bugged her. The next day, she asked if we could please go get a backpack. We found an inexpensive one that she really liked. On the way from shopping she asked, "Mom what is your blessings?" I said I have many. She asked what the greatest one was. I said my salvation. She agreed then told me after that it was her family, and her mom. I knew then that getting that backpack had become a big deal to her.
Chloe
Chloe did not have a good result on her kidney test. We are continuing with the meds, but if the meds mess with her kidney, then she will either die from congestive heart failure or kidney failure. I asked which was the least painful. The vet said we should not worry about that now. I did some research, and think we should have fasted her before her blood test. I will have her fast next time and not take her medicine. I'm hopeful. And between the two, I think kidney failure is the more gentler death. Getting pills down her throat is going to kill me. But this week, I think we will get some liquid meds.
Roxy
I guess Rox did not want to be left out. She was napping on the floor and her ear was flipped over. I saw she was suffering from one of her ear infections, but it was horrible! We are now treating her.
Youth Group
Dee went to our church's youth group welcome tonight. She had a ball. Even though they only had the 6th graders tonight, she liked the idea that older kids will be there. I met her teacher who has not taught at our church, but she works with at-risk kids. I think she will be good for Dee.
Birth Family Ghosts
Dee's former social worker sent a note today that he met with Dee's birth mother a couple of weeks ago. She is trying to adopt one of the siblings. He told her to write an apology to each kid for her part in their neglect and abuse. The letter to Dee came today. He is sending it on. I will not tell or give Dee the letter until later in her life. Now is not the time.
Tired...And Getting More Tired
Our fall schedule is a mess:
Mondays - Therapy (every other week) and Dance (weekly)
Tuesdays - Tutoring (weekly) and Dance (weekly)
Wednesdays - Youth Group (weekly except when we have therapy)
Thursdays - Free!
Fridays - Free!
Saturday - Tutoring
So, I'm enjoying this week! Our last week of summer dance (only once a week); and no tutoring!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Starting Middle School
Today was middle school registration. Dee took her first day of school clothes to change into for her school pictures. But changed her mind. She was excited. The big tension was whether she could open her locker...a big first in middle school.
At this middle school, it's only 6th graders. So everyone at the school is new! There are 800 sixth graders. They are broken into teams (or mini-schools). The big question is what team you are on. But since we are new to the school, no older siblings to share light on anything, it didn't matter.
Dee's elementary school assured me that they would break up the drama girls. There were enough teams to make sure they each ended up on a different one. I try to tell Dee that this gives her a fresh start.
We dropped off meds at the nurse's office. I told the nurse that unless she is running a fever or throws up TWO days worth of food, don't call me. She made a note. Then I called Dee over and told her what I told her...and Dee said "Yeah, yeah." So the nurse knows we have been over it before.
Dee could not get her locker open. That's devastating. Then I tried. I know how to open a combination locker. Wouldn't open. The maintenance guys tried six combinations before they got it opened. When we opened it, someone else's supplies were in it. I could only conclude that Dee was given the wrong locker number. When we checked at the office, sure enough, it was a typo. Dee had trouble, but I walked her through and she was able to open it by the time we left. She is super proud. And because she got her locker opened, she is now excited about middle school!
I'm hopeful for my girl. She is pretty focused on boys, and she is quite the drama girl, but I am hopeful she will make leaps and bounds of improvement this school year!
At this middle school, it's only 6th graders. So everyone at the school is new! There are 800 sixth graders. They are broken into teams (or mini-schools). The big question is what team you are on. But since we are new to the school, no older siblings to share light on anything, it didn't matter.
Dee's elementary school assured me that they would break up the drama girls. There were enough teams to make sure they each ended up on a different one. I try to tell Dee that this gives her a fresh start.
We dropped off meds at the nurse's office. I told the nurse that unless she is running a fever or throws up TWO days worth of food, don't call me. She made a note. Then I called Dee over and told her what I told her...and Dee said "Yeah, yeah." So the nurse knows we have been over it before.
Dee could not get her locker open. That's devastating. Then I tried. I know how to open a combination locker. Wouldn't open. The maintenance guys tried six combinations before they got it opened. When we opened it, someone else's supplies were in it. I could only conclude that Dee was given the wrong locker number. When we checked at the office, sure enough, it was a typo. Dee had trouble, but I walked her through and she was able to open it by the time we left. She is super proud. And because she got her locker opened, she is now excited about middle school!
I'm hopeful for my girl. She is pretty focused on boys, and she is quite the drama girl, but I am hopeful she will make leaps and bounds of improvement this school year!
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