Losing Chloe

March 3, 2003 - January 11, 2014

In the Arm of Jesus

 

 

 

Chloe had not been feeling well all day Saturday.  She had days like that.  I did noticed that I was not stepping in her urine like normal.  She was on a diuretic and we had puddles all over the house, all of the time.  I started watching her that evening.  She was a bit antsy.  She kept roaming around looking for something.  It occurred to me that she might be looking for a place to die.

I took her downstairs and she continued her roaming.  She asked to go out a couple of times.  The last time I took her out, she amazed me.  She could hardly move anymore, but she ran with all of her might.  I caught her, and brought her back. 

I finally told her if she wanted to die alone, that was OK with me.  I kissed her and told her I'd be back in 15 minutes.  I went upstairs and she followed about 5 minutes later.  I do not know how she found energy to get up those stairs.  I settled her and Rox in my bed for the night.  And turned out the lights.  I saw her take three huge breaths with 15 - 30 seconds in between, and then my Chloe was gone.

I woke up Dee and told her I THINK Chloe had died.  We went in together.  I tried to lift Chloe and her head just flopped.  Her eyes were open and her tongue was hanging.  We pronounced her dead.  January 11, 2014.  She died at 11:55 if I use her last breath.  We wrapped her and placed her in the car.

The next morning we took her to Rolling Acres Cemetery. 

It was one of the saddest things I've ever lived through.  I was immediately grateful that I was home.  She had died on her own.  I had done everything I could for her.  But I was so sad to lose her.

 

The Last Four Months

I sort of stopped writing because life was good.  As we would have an extremely good day or an achievement, I thought, "I should write about this," but the effort seemed too much.  Now, I want to write in retrospect and I am sure this will be hard.

School - She finished school on the honor roll.  Teachers had only nice things to say.  Her reading and writing have sky-rocketed.  I recently came home to her reading the new school's handbook on her own.  Every year, I read the handbook to her.  I'm very proud of her.

Staying Home - She is a lot more trustworthy.  I leave her alone longer.  I even let her stay home alone for a day this summer.  She is lazy though, and does not spend enough time with friends or outside.  For this reason, I'm glad she is in daycare.  She has forced socialization.

Socialization - She still struggles with friends.  She makes friends but tends to sabotage a friendship if she has more than one friend at a time.

Dance - She did a great job at her dance recital.  She was very set on earning a perfect attendance trophy.  She did, and she was glowing after that!  She did well in dancing and had tons of people there to watch her.

Camp - Dee went to church camp.  This is the first year she went to a camp that was not for special needs kids.  She did great!  She had her cell phone, so we did get to keep in touch.

Other - She is just more mature.  More stable.  We have a good relationship that is heavily peppered by teen attitude.  But se has come a long way!

Chloe
Chloe continues to struggle with her congestive heart failure.  She is loved.  I do not like to see her suffer, but as the days go by, I know I've done my best by her.  She still manages to be happy over things.  But she seems to have some dementia.

Roxy
Rox has had horrific allergies.  She was head-to-toe scabs, looking like she is unloved.  After much regimen she is doing better.  Poor baby was struggling.  We have taken grain from her diet.

Me
I broke my arm.  I fell over the baby gate one night carrying Chloe out.  Destinee woke up and helped me up, and got the phone.  After a day of helping me, she was done.  When I needed help with my hair a few days later, she said, "Too much work!" 

We are getting ready to be active fosters.  Destinee is all for it, but will change her mind once a child is here.  I think it will help her a lot.