Bully Prevention

Today the school had their bully prevention presentation.  Parents were invited, but it interfered with my work day.  The home-based teacher sent his daily e-mail at noon saying it went well, but the kids were emotional.  At 2:45, Dee sent me a text that said  she thought she was being bullied.  It came down to a girl who said Dee had kissed a boy.  I told Dee that was teasing or lying (after I made sure she did not kiss a boy).  But it would only become bullying if she kept at it and made her feel bad.

Then tonight, her friends called her from the skating rink.  We live around the corner, so we joined them.  It was a full of Middle Schoolers with zero parent supervision.  I was there, and had a hard time keeping up with Dee.  Most parents were not there.

At one point I looked for Dee, and found her in a group.  Her friend was being "kicked out."  Apparently, she had been in altercation with another girl.  I know this friend has no social skills, and her mom often feels she is bullied.  But someone taped it, and I watched it.  Dee's friend was the bully.  Dee didn't realize that, and she struggled with telling the other girl not to bully her friend or calling 9-1-1.  But she just stood there.  Dee said she understood she was a bystander and bystanders are as guilty as the next person.  She said she felt guilty.   (Look at her process!)  I told her she was right, she did not make the right decision, but it was better than her joining in.  She should have told an adult.  She had me there.  She should have gotten me.  If I were not there, she should have told the staff, like someone else must have done.  If she were at a place with no adult, then she should call 9-1-1.

The next time I couldn't find Dee, I sought her out and said, "Enough of this.  We're going home."  (She, of course, was purposely avoiding me.)  I walked the rink twice looking for her and so I know she was not where she said she was.  She did not ever put on a pair of skates.  It was scary there.    Kids too young showing too much PDA, using bad language and not many skating.  As we walked home (2 minutes) I explained to Dee why she would never go to the skating rink on a Friday night.  I also told her I didn't like how she purposely avoided me, or that she ignored my text.  (She didn't know she had received it.)Then when I got home, I called Dee's two friends' parents and told them get their children, or I could go back to get them for them.   Dee said, "I didn't think about it until I heard you talking to Miss Jackie, that we just left them there."  So she pulled some things together.  But even with training, she didn't know who the bully was today, or what to do.  And with a little freedom, she made a series of wrong choices.

That $7 was worth the lesson!