Therapeutic Parenting

If you adopt a child from foster care, you will find that many people do not understand your parenting of your child.  The act of un-parenting before you parent is just a concept that others don't get if they have not been through it.

I have found that even many who do practice therapeutic parenting don't always get my parenting of Dee.  I tried all of the "standard" therapeutic parenting techniques with her.  Many don't work.  So if you have a therapeutic parent watching and they see you tell your RAD child "get out of the car" or if you call the police, they tend to gasp and judge.  But that's no different than what non-adoptive parents think of their techniques.

The reality is this with my child:  She likes boundaries.  No, she needs boundaries.  She wants someone to tell her how far she can go and remain safe.  And if she puts even a pinky toe past the safe point, she wants someone to care enough to take action -- extreme action if necessary.

Those who are involved in Dee's life with me:  her therapist, psychiatrist, adoption workers all agree that a different kind of parent than I am would have ruined her.  I tried it all.  And I'm glad that I never stopped before I caught on to her needs.  I wish I had a kid who I could compliment without her destroying it.  I wish my child didn't admit that she felt comforted by seeing anger come into my face.  But one day, I think I will.  And why?  Because I gave her what she needed, not what everyone thought I should.