When I picked Dee up from her after school program, she told me she had a "Think Sheet." We have been told not to consequence think sheets, but I usually do. Before Dee told me, her little friend was talking to the director with red eyes. I was worried what Dee did to her. (This summer, she bit this girl in the upper thigh, so I didn't think her mom would tolerate anything else.)
No, that child had her own issue. Dee talked back to one of the leaders. She was talked to and not given a sheet. Then after all that grace...she was told to play with more kids, and move on to another part of the playground. She told the teacher, "You're not the boss of me." Thus, the Think Sheet.
I was livid. I found that now I'm owning her behavior. I told her I didn't raise her to be disrespectful, and I was not going to have that. She said no one ever told her that other people could tell her who to play with or not. I told her I do it, teachers do it and that's not an excuse.
I made her write an apology. She use to that. But I put an outline on the board for her to follow. She did a good job.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Hormones
My little girl is having problems with her hormones. She is an emotional wreck! We have talked about the fact that just because you feel like crying doesn't mean you have to cry. When she isn't crying, she is using the nasty attitude. She is getting so skilled, she can use it verbally or silently.
On Friday, they had their Halloween party at school. She told me she was emotional. A mom called to tell me that Dee was crying because someone busted her balloon. Dee and the other mom both thought it was cry-worthy at the time. By the time Dee told me, she realized it was nothing. The next day she wanted to go swimming with a new friend. The friend's family had other plans. Her old friend who never invites her over, and always wants to come to our house, invited herself again. Dee begged, but I said no. So Dee was disappointed.
As we drove, she wrote me a note asking if we could go to the movies. I said yes because how many times can you say no? We go to the movies, get expensive treats, and suddenly - Attitude City. I was not pleased! I told her she was not going to ruin it for me, and I moved one seat away.
This morning, I left her at school. She said "Yesterday when you left, I was sad." I asked her why, and she said because she didn't want to go to school. Then she just started to bawl! I'm sorry, I couldn't help it...I was laughing behind her back.
Puberty is not being kind to her. I do not look forward to the teen years!
On Friday, they had their Halloween party at school. She told me she was emotional. A mom called to tell me that Dee was crying because someone busted her balloon. Dee and the other mom both thought it was cry-worthy at the time. By the time Dee told me, she realized it was nothing. The next day she wanted to go swimming with a new friend. The friend's family had other plans. Her old friend who never invites her over, and always wants to come to our house, invited herself again. Dee begged, but I said no. So Dee was disappointed.
As we drove, she wrote me a note asking if we could go to the movies. I said yes because how many times can you say no? We go to the movies, get expensive treats, and suddenly - Attitude City. I was not pleased! I told her she was not going to ruin it for me, and I moved one seat away.
This morning, I left her at school. She said "Yesterday when you left, I was sad." I asked her why, and she said because she didn't want to go to school. Then she just started to bawl! I'm sorry, I couldn't help it...I was laughing behind her back.
Puberty is not being kind to her. I do not look forward to the teen years!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Letter to Teacher
Dee's parent teacher conference is this coming week. Her grade card came home. And...I watch her not study for one of very rare test. Because of that, I wrote a letter to her teacher to prepare her for the 20 minutes I get with her. I have also talked to her briefly about these issues in passing. I'm still tweaking it:
Mrs. Cleaveland,
Thank you for the work you do with all of the kids. I know being a teacher is a rather thankless job. I want you to know that I appreciate all you do. I say that because I think what follows may seem like I don’t get the difficulty in teaching 20+ children with different needs at once. I do. I wish that my child was able to learn the way the curriculum thinks she will, but that’s just not the case. It makes school for both her and you more difficult.
Dee not only has pretty severe ADHD , she also has dyslexia. It means that her efforts do not produce the same results as someone else’s. I always think she is extremely smart for all the work she has to do just to read a paragraph. Her IQ test says she has slow processing abilities. She may. I’m not sure if it’s her dyslexia which slows her down, or just processing. I think her dyslexia may come through in more than just reading, but also in sounds. It does take her time to get things figured out in her brain. She really is brighter than her academics will probably ever show. By the time she has processed what she has learned, you are already off to the next topic, and possibly the next school year.
Dee also is an associative thinker. Until she is able to associate what she hears, it doesn’t completely make sense. She files it until it does. When you talked about scabs, it made sense immediately. She remembered the scab she found once while bathing, and put that incident from her mental file together with what you taught. Unfortunately, it does not often work that way for her. So, I although her grades may not show it, I know she is learning.
But…she can check out if she is completely lost. That happened with Regions and Body Systems. If you are applying things you learned in Reading or Math or Writing in your Science and Social Studies class, she is already lost. She assumes that what you are now saying does not apply to her. She checks out. Sometimes in small groups, she relies on her classmates to explain things she doesn’t understand. Usually that gets her in trouble for talking. I think Dee does not understand what applies to her in your class and what does not.
Dee has trouble with multiple steps. I’m not sure if that ADHD or what. But if you give the big picture…she can only remember two steps at most. Cut out the picture and paste it. If you want more, then you have lost her. She also needs time limits. “Dee, you need to cut out the picture in 30 seconds and get it pasted on the paper. Then ask me or a particular student what to do next.”
I know a lot of what I’m saying is not fair. If I had 24 kids in my class, I would not want to be reading this letter. But I just have one kid. She did not have a fair life. She is making up for infancy and early childhood. She is mentally, developmentally, and socially six years old. But she is in 5th grade, and she is physically 10 years old. I wish she could learn the way the rest of your class does, but she can’t. That’s why she requires an Individual Education Plan. I do think she can continue to be mainstreamed for the things she is mainstreamed for, but it does require some special attention from you.
This weekend, we are working on Regions. (Late, but necessary.) I found that I made the mistake of watching and waiting. I could tell you were trying to get the kids to be more independent this year, and I thought maybe it would work for Dee. But I think she just continues to feel she is not as smart as the others. I will need to work with her more at home. I’m a lot like her in that I found most of things in your e-mails do not pertain to her, so I tend to gloss over them. But I will be doing a simultaneous curriculum study at home for whatever you are doing in Science and Social Studies, and hope that will help her to keep up better.
In summary, here are suggestions for things we can try:
1. Assume she is off-task, and check in with her to get her back.
2. Make sure she assimilates smoothly to your class OK from Mrs. Gilsdorf’s class.
3. She responds to sound and touch. Tap her desk. Touch her paper, when you walk by. Pull her back from wherever her mind has taken her.
4. Do you think it will help if we put a timer or a clock on her desk to tell her how much time she has.
5. Would you help her to pick appropriate books in Library? She is at a reading level of 3.6, and for the past two weeks, she has brought home “Harry Potter,” which is marked at 7+ level. We are actually reading below level at night, so I need to push her also.
6. One of us needs to be the “good cop,” and it’s not me! So I’m glad you are able to keep encouraging her.
Again, I hope this helps. I know you have other children to consider and only so much time. But anything you can do to help her would be appreciated. Thanks! I’m sending this by e-mail and putting a copy back in her grade card envelope. Please let me know if you see things I need to do.
Mrs. Cleaveland,
Thank you for the work you do with all of the kids. I know being a teacher is a rather thankless job. I want you to know that I appreciate all you do. I say that because I think what follows may seem like I don’t get the difficulty in teaching 20+ children with different needs at once. I do. I wish that my child was able to learn the way the curriculum thinks she will, but that’s just not the case. It makes school for both her and you more difficult.
Dee not only has pretty severe ADHD , she also has dyslexia. It means that her efforts do not produce the same results as someone else’s. I always think she is extremely smart for all the work she has to do just to read a paragraph. Her IQ test says she has slow processing abilities. She may. I’m not sure if it’s her dyslexia which slows her down, or just processing. I think her dyslexia may come through in more than just reading, but also in sounds. It does take her time to get things figured out in her brain. She really is brighter than her academics will probably ever show. By the time she has processed what she has learned, you are already off to the next topic, and possibly the next school year.
Dee also is an associative thinker. Until she is able to associate what she hears, it doesn’t completely make sense. She files it until it does. When you talked about scabs, it made sense immediately. She remembered the scab she found once while bathing, and put that incident from her mental file together with what you taught. Unfortunately, it does not often work that way for her. So, I although her grades may not show it, I know she is learning.
But…she can check out if she is completely lost. That happened with Regions and Body Systems. If you are applying things you learned in Reading or Math or Writing in your Science and Social Studies class, she is already lost. She assumes that what you are now saying does not apply to her. She checks out. Sometimes in small groups, she relies on her classmates to explain things she doesn’t understand. Usually that gets her in trouble for talking. I think Dee does not understand what applies to her in your class and what does not.
Dee has trouble with multiple steps. I’m not sure if that ADHD or what. But if you give the big picture…she can only remember two steps at most. Cut out the picture and paste it. If you want more, then you have lost her. She also needs time limits. “Dee, you need to cut out the picture in 30 seconds and get it pasted on the paper. Then ask me or a particular student what to do next.”
I know a lot of what I’m saying is not fair. If I had 24 kids in my class, I would not want to be reading this letter. But I just have one kid. She did not have a fair life. She is making up for infancy and early childhood. She is mentally, developmentally, and socially six years old. But she is in 5th grade, and she is physically 10 years old. I wish she could learn the way the rest of your class does, but she can’t. That’s why she requires an Individual Education Plan. I do think she can continue to be mainstreamed for the things she is mainstreamed for, but it does require some special attention from you.
This weekend, we are working on Regions. (Late, but necessary.) I found that I made the mistake of watching and waiting. I could tell you were trying to get the kids to be more independent this year, and I thought maybe it would work for Dee. But I think she just continues to feel she is not as smart as the others. I will need to work with her more at home. I’m a lot like her in that I found most of things in your e-mails do not pertain to her, so I tend to gloss over them. But I will be doing a simultaneous curriculum study at home for whatever you are doing in Science and Social Studies, and hope that will help her to keep up better.
In summary, here are suggestions for things we can try:
1. Assume she is off-task, and check in with her to get her back.
2. Make sure she assimilates smoothly to your class OK from Mrs. Gilsdorf’s class.
3. She responds to sound and touch. Tap her desk. Touch her paper, when you walk by. Pull her back from wherever her mind has taken her.
4. Do you think it will help if we put a timer or a clock on her desk to tell her how much time she has.
5. Would you help her to pick appropriate books in Library? She is at a reading level of 3.6, and for the past two weeks, she has brought home “Harry Potter,” which is marked at 7+ level. We are actually reading below level at night, so I need to push her also.
6. One of us needs to be the “good cop,” and it’s not me! So I’m glad you are able to keep encouraging her.
Again, I hope this helps. I know you have other children to consider and only so much time. But anything you can do to help her would be appreciated. Thanks! I’m sending this by e-mail and putting a copy back in her grade card envelope. Please let me know if you see things I need to do.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Sneaking...
In order to help Dee to not sneak, I bought her a see-through book bag and a see-through lunch bag. Yet...I check the bags before school and after school each day. It's my hope that she resist the urge to sneak or steal if she knows I'm checking. Then after a while, it would hopefully become a habit to stop and think about taking something or sneaking something.
Of course, I thought we were making progress. But the after-school check, I found a card that folds into a poster she got for her 9th birthday. I asked her how that got to school. She told me she took it. We went a couple of rounds, when she said she hid it in her boots that she was wearing. Arrggg.
I told her if I need to frisk her I would. I was so disappointed.
OK...I know at this point my tolerance was low, and then Dee had her 5th grade musical today. And that girl has the attention of a gnat! She was talking and pointing and joking during the show. Every so often she would sing.
Her teacher told me today that she found that she can quietly sit down for hours and do nothing. I told her I didn't think she understood the depth of her learning disabilities. She agreed. I think she is willing to help her though.
I asked her for a consequence for sneaking. She said TV, which is what I also was thinking. It's a one-day consequence, but TV on a Friday is a big deal!
Of course, I thought we were making progress. But the after-school check, I found a card that folds into a poster she got for her 9th birthday. I asked her how that got to school. She told me she took it. We went a couple of rounds, when she said she hid it in her boots that she was wearing. Arrggg.
I told her if I need to frisk her I would. I was so disappointed.
OK...I know at this point my tolerance was low, and then Dee had her 5th grade musical today. And that girl has the attention of a gnat! She was talking and pointing and joking during the show. Every so often she would sing.
Her teacher told me today that she found that she can quietly sit down for hours and do nothing. I told her I didn't think she understood the depth of her learning disabilities. She agreed. I think she is willing to help her though.
I asked her for a consequence for sneaking. She said TV, which is what I also was thinking. It's a one-day consequence, but TV on a Friday is a big deal!
Sarcasm
Dee loves to use sarcasm. Using sarcasm is usually not nice, but it does take skills. There are nuances in tone and inflection that take timing and good adjusment. Dee does not always do well with these. Yesterday, I told her: "Brush your teeth, wash your face, and if you have an extra five minutes, maybe you can make me a sandwich for lunch. I'd like ham and cheese." She said, "Why do I have to make your lunch? You have two hands." Let's just say that did not go over well. Later that evening, she asked me to make her some strawberry milk. I said, "OK cause I love you." Of course, if I were you, I'd say, "Why should I make you milk...you have two hands or two legs."
Monday, October 17, 2011
Please God, Help Me on My Test
For a week, Dee's teacher has been sending a note in her daily e-mail that the children would bring their notes home to prepare for their test on US Regions. I waited and waited for Dee to bring home her note. Nothing. Finally, on Friday, I said, "Dee, your teacher said you would bring notes home to study for your test. I'm not going to write to her. It's not her responsibility. It's your responsibility. Bring the notes home." Of course, nothing. She said when she got in the car, "I asked the teacher. She said you should know. So, I don't have it." I told her that was too bad since it was her responsibility to make sure it came home.
There was no school today. So the test is tomorrow. In her night-time prayer, Dee asked God to help her on her test. I had to let her know that God does not help you when you don't do your part. I let her know I had did some research on Regions, but I chose to follow her lead. She didn't seem concern, so we'll see how it goes. She is angry! She is doing her crazy talk! Not happy at all. She has never cared about failing a test before. She cares now because this year, a bad grade comes with consequences. She has learning disabilities so I don't consequence her on bad grades. But failure to try...oh yeah....consequences. So she cares. Maybe 5th grade and subsequent years will pick up for her after this.
If she has learned anything, I hope God does help her. I hope her teacher is watching her for cheating, because she will try. The grades are 0 - 4. A 3 is acceptable. She will be fine if she gets 2.0 or 2.5. (That's her norm.) But I foresee her getting a 0.5 - 1.5. Oh well!
There was no school today. So the test is tomorrow. In her night-time prayer, Dee asked God to help her on her test. I had to let her know that God does not help you when you don't do your part. I let her know I had did some research on Regions, but I chose to follow her lead. She didn't seem concern, so we'll see how it goes. She is angry! She is doing her crazy talk! Not happy at all. She has never cared about failing a test before. She cares now because this year, a bad grade comes with consequences. She has learning disabilities so I don't consequence her on bad grades. But failure to try...oh yeah....consequences. So she cares. Maybe 5th grade and subsequent years will pick up for her after this.
If she has learned anything, I hope God does help her. I hope her teacher is watching her for cheating, because she will try. The grades are 0 - 4. A 3 is acceptable. She will be fine if she gets 2.0 or 2.5. (That's her norm.) But I foresee her getting a 0.5 - 1.5. Oh well!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Boo!
In our neighborhood, Halloween is a very social holiday. It kicks off with "Boo-ing." The new tradition of leaving treats for a neighbor, May Day style, and watching signs appear through the neighborhood of people who have been boo-ed.
We were boo-ed a couple of days ago. Dee was thrilled! She remembered the tradition from last year. She couldn't wait for us to put our boo treats together. We didn't bake. We put some cookies, mini cupcakes and a few pieces of candy on the plates. I chose the first house. She chose the next two. I stood behind the tree, car, or dumpster while Dee ran and placed the treats. She was so excited.
It's sort of fun to see things coming around from the time when she was a little more regulated. She feels very much at home. Seeing things for the second time makes her say things like "We always..." She also remembers exactly what we did last year and who we boo-ed.
Funny girl!
We were boo-ed a couple of days ago. Dee was thrilled! She remembered the tradition from last year. She couldn't wait for us to put our boo treats together. We didn't bake. We put some cookies, mini cupcakes and a few pieces of candy on the plates. I chose the first house. She chose the next two. I stood behind the tree, car, or dumpster while Dee ran and placed the treats. She was so excited.
It's sort of fun to see things coming around from the time when she was a little more regulated. She feels very much at home. Seeing things for the second time makes her say things like "We always..." She also remembers exactly what we did last year and who we boo-ed.
Funny girl!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
A No Plan Saturday
This was almost a perfect Saturday. I lost my Fitbit I won. It is valued at $100, so I can't replace it. But otherwise, the day was a lot of fun.
Dee and I had a contest to see who could clean their room the fastest and best. After two hours, we had to give ourselves an extension because we are both slobs and slow. We worked pretty hard. Stopped for a pizza break and trashed talked each other. At 3:00, I called times up. Dee started crying. She was behind. I let her get her minutes for her phone, but she had to finish. We enjoyed each other.
I found my missing watch in my clothes hamper. I was so happy that I started to cry. It touched Dee that I cared about the watch she gave me, and she started crying too!
Tonight when she looked at me, she looked so pretty. She is always so pretty when she is happy.
Chloe went and laid with Dee for five whole minutes. They are also bonding.
It was a good day!
Dee and I had a contest to see who could clean their room the fastest and best. After two hours, we had to give ourselves an extension because we are both slobs and slow. We worked pretty hard. Stopped for a pizza break and trashed talked each other. At 3:00, I called times up. Dee started crying. She was behind. I let her get her minutes for her phone, but she had to finish. We enjoyed each other.
I found my missing watch in my clothes hamper. I was so happy that I started to cry. It touched Dee that I cared about the watch she gave me, and she started crying too!
Tonight when she looked at me, she looked so pretty. She is always so pretty when she is happy.
Chloe went and laid with Dee for five whole minutes. They are also bonding.
It was a good day!
Good-bye Zyprexa
When Dee came home, her foster mom sent a box of Zyprexa and some specific instructions. She also cautioned that Dee would rage and tantrum just to get Zyprexa. It immediately calms and knocks you out. I never let her know I had it. Today, I was cutting each individual one open and flushing it down the toilet because I couldn't come up with any other way to get rid of it. I called her in to see. I told her that I never used it because it was dangerous and I knew she'd try to get it. She agreed with that. She was stunned that I had it and she didn't know. She started to tell me the story of when she went to camp and got it, but I told her I had heard her foster mom's version of that story, so she stopped.
She actually overheard her foster mom telling the camp nurse to use it in case of emergency. Dee managed to get the camp nurse to give her one each night. When she came home (foster home), she started raging and breaking things just to get it.
I took the time to re-explain that taking meds you don't need is the first step to drug addiction. I told her she needed to practice now if she wanted to be able to say no to drugs as a teen.
She actually overheard her foster mom telling the camp nurse to use it in case of emergency. Dee managed to get the camp nurse to give her one each night. When she came home (foster home), she started raging and breaking things just to get it.
I took the time to re-explain that taking meds you don't need is the first step to drug addiction. I told her she needed to practice now if she wanted to be able to say no to drugs as a teen.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The Consequences of Consequences
After the meltdown on Monday, I went to Dee's room on Tuesday night and asked her if she wanted to talk about consequences. She said she was just thinking about asking about them. I asked her if she wanted me to start with the hardest or easiest. She chose harder. First, I made her list all of the things she did wrong. She mentioned throwing, yelling, saying bad words, pinching, attitude. So here are her consequences:
1. No cell phone until Friday after school.
2. No TV all week. On the weekends, she could have 1 hour on each Saturday and Sunday.
3. No DVD - same rules as TV.
4. No Nintendo DS.
She asked if that was all, and said she was wanting more. She was trying to be control, but I complied :
1. Must walk the dogs alone once a day to make up for scaring them.
2. Clean out the fridge.
Since then, she has been fun and happy. She made dinner for me last night. It's something to do when you don't have electronics!
Tonight, we played a game on the computer together.
1. No cell phone until Friday after school.
2. No TV all week. On the weekends, she could have 1 hour on each Saturday and Sunday.
3. No DVD - same rules as TV.
4. No Nintendo DS.
She asked if that was all, and said she was wanting more. She was trying to be control, but I complied :
1. Must walk the dogs alone once a day to make up for scaring them.
2. Clean out the fridge.
Since then, she has been fun and happy. She made dinner for me last night. It's something to do when you don't have electronics!
Tonight, we played a game on the computer together.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Long time, No see
It's been a long time since Mr. Meltdown and Ms. Tantrum stopped by, but they must have missed us because they came barging in yesterday. I was not happy to see them.
Dee's class had earned a pajama day at school. She was excited. She had set out some PJ's that I thought looked dirty and a Christmas robe. I moved them since she wouldn't wake up to talk to me. I left a substitute. When she finally woke up I was in the shower. She found her original stuff and got dressed. She was in a mood. I think she thought, "I'll go as slow as I want and dress how I want. What's she gonna do...take me to school in my PJ's?" (That's my normal morning threat. "Let's go. Get dressed. OK...then get dressed at school." )Without it, she decided she could be as slow and as rude as she wanted. And she was.
We made it to school, but we had to find a fountain so she could take her meds. She continued being rude and snotty. I refused to leave her at school like that. Without another word, I walked past her before-school daycare straight to the car. She went nuts...no NUTS!!! We were going home but she was screaming about the police. She threw things in the car, broke things and screamed and beat the window. Finally, I dug in my pocket and got her little $20 cell phone. I rolled down the window and dangled it outside, and said, "One more sound. One more thing thrown. Your phone will live on I-29." Silence. Real silence. Of course, as soon as I parked the car she started again. I walked to the neighborhood trash bin.
She went even more NUTS! Eventually, I made her sit down to start doing school work at home. She tried her antagonistic approach. "Why did you even get a kid if you don't love them?" "I hate you." "You are dumb and stupid." Then....she starting repeating every word I said. So finally I put the cell phone on the table and said, "I know you love this thing. I wanted to give you another chance. But a thing doesn't mean anything to me. A nice, obedient and Christian acting girl does." I got up and got a hammer. The next time she said, "I HATE YOU.' Down came the hammer with all my might. I missed! It was right there and I missed. I think God knew I needed the leverage that phone gives me.
Eventually I told her she could go to school if she changed into jeans and a t-shirt in five minutes. She actually said thank you. She did not want to stay with me. And when she came down. She was smiling. There was a twinkle in her eye. And she was joking. It scared me. I was still quite furious. Who can do that? I decided she really needed to blow up to go on. It was getting to be too much for her to handle everything. She needed a good ole fashioned tantrum. Now...I have to find a way to get her that same feeling without blowing up.
When we came home, the dogs were afraid of her. They remember all too well. I feel bad for her, but I don't have the patience for it any more either. [Sigh]
A couple of funny things from this episode:
When we got home, she said, "I thought you were taking me to the police. I told her no that would be too easy."
When she wouldn't cooperate, I told her it was OK with me if we worked straight through her tumbling class which ends at 8:45. She said, "You should send me to tumbling for punishment, I don't like it that much anyway." Right!
When she was back to herself, she wondered out loud what had happened the day before to precipitate it. I told her it wasn't the day before, it was her wanting to be the mom, to be the boss. I told her that I was the boss of her. And until she is grown and married and living with her husband and paying the bills, I would be the boss. She asked what if she stays single. I said then you can't live in my house or use my money and you can be the boss. She said, "I'm going to get a house next door to you."
I reminded her that she was not the only crazy person the house. She told me that there was a crazy person in the house and it was not her!
Dee's class had earned a pajama day at school. She was excited. She had set out some PJ's that I thought looked dirty and a Christmas robe. I moved them since she wouldn't wake up to talk to me. I left a substitute. When she finally woke up I was in the shower. She found her original stuff and got dressed. She was in a mood. I think she thought, "I'll go as slow as I want and dress how I want. What's she gonna do...take me to school in my PJ's?" (That's my normal morning threat. "Let's go. Get dressed. OK...then get dressed at school." )Without it, she decided she could be as slow and as rude as she wanted. And she was.
We made it to school, but we had to find a fountain so she could take her meds. She continued being rude and snotty. I refused to leave her at school like that. Without another word, I walked past her before-school daycare straight to the car. She went nuts...no NUTS!!! We were going home but she was screaming about the police. She threw things in the car, broke things and screamed and beat the window. Finally, I dug in my pocket and got her little $20 cell phone. I rolled down the window and dangled it outside, and said, "One more sound. One more thing thrown. Your phone will live on I-29." Silence. Real silence. Of course, as soon as I parked the car she started again. I walked to the neighborhood trash bin.
She went even more NUTS! Eventually, I made her sit down to start doing school work at home. She tried her antagonistic approach. "Why did you even get a kid if you don't love them?" "I hate you." "You are dumb and stupid." Then....she starting repeating every word I said. So finally I put the cell phone on the table and said, "I know you love this thing. I wanted to give you another chance. But a thing doesn't mean anything to me. A nice, obedient and Christian acting girl does." I got up and got a hammer. The next time she said, "I HATE YOU.' Down came the hammer with all my might. I missed! It was right there and I missed. I think God knew I needed the leverage that phone gives me.
Eventually I told her she could go to school if she changed into jeans and a t-shirt in five minutes. She actually said thank you. She did not want to stay with me. And when she came down. She was smiling. There was a twinkle in her eye. And she was joking. It scared me. I was still quite furious. Who can do that? I decided she really needed to blow up to go on. It was getting to be too much for her to handle everything. She needed a good ole fashioned tantrum. Now...I have to find a way to get her that same feeling without blowing up.
When we came home, the dogs were afraid of her. They remember all too well. I feel bad for her, but I don't have the patience for it any more either. [Sigh]
A couple of funny things from this episode:
When we got home, she said, "I thought you were taking me to the police. I told her no that would be too easy."
When she wouldn't cooperate, I told her it was OK with me if we worked straight through her tumbling class which ends at 8:45. She said, "You should send me to tumbling for punishment, I don't like it that much anyway." Right!
When she was back to herself, she wondered out loud what had happened the day before to precipitate it. I told her it wasn't the day before, it was her wanting to be the mom, to be the boss. I told her that I was the boss of her. And until she is grown and married and living with her husband and paying the bills, I would be the boss. She asked what if she stays single. I said then you can't live in my house or use my money and you can be the boss. She said, "I'm going to get a house next door to you."
I reminded her that she was not the only crazy person the house. She told me that there was a crazy person in the house and it was not her!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Catching Up on the Week
It's been a rather easy week. Our therapist had to cancel because she had a sick child. I was so glad. It meant I didn't have to drive an extra 65 miles this week. I was pleased. Dee was not as pleased. She was upset when I picked her up even though I sent her teacher an e-mail to give her a message. She thought it meant that we wouldn't have our McDonalds. We stopped at McDonalds and she perked up.
The next day, I offered to take her to the movies, but she only wanted to hang out at home. Saturday, she did the same thing. Unfortunately, I forced her outside on Saturday, and then out on Sunday to the movies and to play.
I do like that I can talk to her. She is always self-psychoanalyzing. She wondered if she was making some poor choices because she has her cell phone. I think she is always looking for an excuse. I told her that it was too bad because I wanted her to have good, and I had to teach her how to have good things like TV, and phones without her becoming obsessed with them.
Yesterday we didn't give her her afternoon pill until 2 hours late, and then she woke up at 3 or 4 am and was cleaning her room. I let her, and she did fine today. Today, we skipped the pill on purpose so that she could actually rest.
We went to dessert at a neighbor's house. I don't like to do that kind of stuff, but it's so Dee. We both had a great time. We are actually both extroverts once around other people.
We saw the movie, Dolphin Tail, and she loved it. She was so excited and experiencing the right emotions, it was nice.
Let's hope for another nice week. We have therapy this week, and then we are off for a couple of weeks. Our therapist has offered to travel closer to us once my company moves. That will be helpful!
She is struggling with where she fits with her birth mom and me. She will struggle with this concept her entire life I think.
The next day, I offered to take her to the movies, but she only wanted to hang out at home. Saturday, she did the same thing. Unfortunately, I forced her outside on Saturday, and then out on Sunday to the movies and to play.
I do like that I can talk to her. She is always self-psychoanalyzing. She wondered if she was making some poor choices because she has her cell phone. I think she is always looking for an excuse. I told her that it was too bad because I wanted her to have good, and I had to teach her how to have good things like TV, and phones without her becoming obsessed with them.
Yesterday we didn't give her her afternoon pill until 2 hours late, and then she woke up at 3 or 4 am and was cleaning her room. I let her, and she did fine today. Today, we skipped the pill on purpose so that she could actually rest.
We went to dessert at a neighbor's house. I don't like to do that kind of stuff, but it's so Dee. We both had a great time. We are actually both extroverts once around other people.
We saw the movie, Dolphin Tail, and she loved it. She was so excited and experiencing the right emotions, it was nice.
Let's hope for another nice week. We have therapy this week, and then we are off for a couple of weeks. Our therapist has offered to travel closer to us once my company moves. That will be helpful!
She is struggling with where she fits with her birth mom and me. She will struggle with this concept her entire life I think.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Observation Week
The dance/gymnastics school Dee attends had parent observation this week. Watching her in her tumbling class was super painful. She didn't try anything! She pretended to try. She would just make a big production and do nothing! The other girls would cheer her, and she'd respond playfully, and then nothing. It went on like that for 45 minutes. I even saw her pretend to not be able to do the warmup exercise. I truly wanted to leave. But I stayed and pretended it was OK. After the class I told the teacher she didn't even try. The teacher said she likes to use positive reinforcement, but she wasn't able to find Dee doing anything right yesterday to do that. She even added "Do the thing you are best at." to the end of class. Dee did nothing. Next week, she said she and Dee were going to pick just one thing for her to work on.
Tonight was dance. You can imagine how unexcited I was to watch her in THREE dance classes after last night. But a pleasant surprise. She did well in each one. I think she did best at ballet, but she likes hip hop best. I was just glad she was learning something somewhere in the building!
I came home to a bunch of urine in the hallway. It makes me worry about Roxy. I'm not sure who did it, but it is more than either dog. I think Rox will have to have surgery...probably next week.
Tonight was dance. You can imagine how unexcited I was to watch her in THREE dance classes after last night. But a pleasant surprise. She did well in each one. I think she did best at ballet, but she likes hip hop best. I was just glad she was learning something somewhere in the building!
I came home to a bunch of urine in the hallway. It makes me worry about Roxy. I'm not sure who did it, but it is more than either dog. I think Rox will have to have surgery...probably next week.
Monday, October 3, 2011
RIP Indigo
Poor little Indigo, our last attempt to have a Betta fish, died yesterday. I'm not quite sure why Indigo died. I passed him on to Dee when I couldn't take the loss of Peaches...my little sick Betta. Dee didn't take care of him like I would have, but he seemed pretty happy. Until recently.... I asked Dee a couple of days ago when Indigo last ate, and she said, "It's been a while." I told her to feed him. Last night when Indigo was "swimming" vertically, I asked again. Then I pronounced him dead. She assured me he was not dead. But after trying to get his attention, she said something like "Oh well."
I told her to flush him. She asked me to. I made her. When she came back to the room, I asked her if she knew why I made her do it, and she said, "Cause it seemed like I didn't care." I confirmed that was the reason and gave a speech about being responsible for a living thing and caring about it.
I told her to flush him. She asked me to. I made her. When she came back to the room, I asked her if she knew why I made her do it, and she said, "Cause it seemed like I didn't care." I confirmed that was the reason and gave a speech about being responsible for a living thing and caring about it.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Cheering
So today was the big cheer day! We managed to leave with a little rushing. I left my cell phone -- that is not a good thing. But we stopped at a park and took pictures, bought some hair spray and got gas. The traffic to the stadium was unbelievable. We got there on time for the cheer check-in, but after kick-off.
Dee was acting up a little when I dropped her off. She didn't want to take a picture. It was just a control thing. I walked away without saying good-bye.
The performance was nice. She did really well! She thought she was cute and felt the crowd was there to see her. Had a bit of trouble taming her ego. We stopped on the way home and did a few photos by one of the fountains. She wanted to go to the movies. I thought it was a good idea, to let it be all fun today.
But as we got nearer to home, she decided she just wanted to just stay home and be lazy. She did have a bit of an attitude, so that was not acceptable.
I think this cheerleader thing was very positive. The young ladies are good positive role models. Most have very professional careers: teachers, programmers, etc. Dee gained some confidence. Overall, it was good. If she wants to do it next year, I will let her.
Dee was acting up a little when I dropped her off. She didn't want to take a picture. It was just a control thing. I walked away without saying good-bye.
The performance was nice. She did really well! She thought she was cute and felt the crowd was there to see her. Had a bit of trouble taming her ego. We stopped on the way home and did a few photos by one of the fountains. She wanted to go to the movies. I thought it was a good idea, to let it be all fun today.
But as we got nearer to home, she decided she just wanted to just stay home and be lazy. She did have a bit of an attitude, so that was not acceptable.
I think this cheerleader thing was very positive. The young ladies are good positive role models. Most have very professional careers: teachers, programmers, etc. Dee gained some confidence. Overall, it was good. If she wants to do it next year, I will let her.
Sick Little Girl
For the first time since Dee came home, I had to pick her up early from school. She was sick. A bout of diarrhea. Dee has a tendency to be hyperchondriac. Her stomach started to bother her just as I dropped her off. I gave her some Pepto and told her to go to the bathroom. They called me before I made it to work, then when school started, and finally at 10:00. She didn't feel well. She slept. Our rule is you have to just lay in your bed, maybe reading until the time we would have come home if you are sick. If you are sick, that is no problem. She started complaining about 3:00, so she was feeling better. I made her stay in the bed. It's the only way I don't have a problem with faking illness.
Yesterday, she woke up and ate pancakes, with my permission. Then she felt she throw in some pizza rolls. While at the vet, she had another instance of diarrhea. I made her starve with only crackers and 7-up. She had her dress rehearsal for the NFL game she is performing at. She was fine.
She ate a regular dinner after her rehearsal, and has done well.
Dee refused to practice her cheer routine for the big NFL game. She said she knew it! I must admit, she did pretty good for a girl who hasn't practiced. Today is the game. It will be fun and exciting for her to perform for tens of thousands of people.
We ran some blood and urine test on Roxy to see if anything other than allergies is wrong with her. She is starting a round of prednisone for the allergies. Hopefully, she is feeling better soon!
Yesterday, she woke up and ate pancakes, with my permission. Then she felt she throw in some pizza rolls. While at the vet, she had another instance of diarrhea. I made her starve with only crackers and 7-up. She had her dress rehearsal for the NFL game she is performing at. She was fine.
She ate a regular dinner after her rehearsal, and has done well.
Dee refused to practice her cheer routine for the big NFL game. She said she knew it! I must admit, she did pretty good for a girl who hasn't practiced. Today is the game. It will be fun and exciting for her to perform for tens of thousands of people.
We ran some blood and urine test on Roxy to see if anything other than allergies is wrong with her. She is starting a round of prednisone for the allergies. Hopefully, she is feeling better soon!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
