I haven't been keeping my blog up-to-date because I've been so tired. I've been falling asleep before 9:00. And there's just so much to do. Let's see if I can remember anything!
Tires
I found out that my tires needed to be replaced. I didn't want to pay the apparent $600 - $800. So I've spent too much time thinking about it. I did find that my front tires were OK for now, so I only replaced the back ones. It's going to help in a couple of weeks when we make the three-hour drive for Dee's surprise sibling visit.
Doggies
Roxy is doing better, but is not happy. That makes me sad. I was hoping that getting those stones out would make her happier. We have a foster dog, so that does not excite her. Little Millie is being fostered by Dee. I know when she gets adopted, Dee will not handle it well because they are hanging out a lot. Chloe is doing fine. She is happy and only asks for a little.
Season Inappropriate
Dee is dressing incorrectly for the season at all times. I have no patience for it anymore. When it was hitting sixties, she wore snow boots everyday. Today it snowed a little, and she went bare legged, and wore those little plastic summer shoes with holes throughout. She is known to put on thing t-shirts, and have asked to wear Capri's.
Work
Work is super busy. I need to work more than my regular hours, but I can't because I've been tired.
Dance
Dee has been moved from level one to level three in Hip Hop. It was a nice e-mail. They said they felt she was a fast learner and she was doing so well, they thought she could do level three. She was proud...for a second. Then she thought about it, and thought about failing, and said, "No thank you." I had to take an honor and make it a duty. I told her I could not let her give up in life before she tried. It might be challenging, but the school thought she could do it. I told her teacher she did not want to be there. I threatened that if she didn't try, we'd drop Hip Hop and replace it with math tutoring. (Yes, I thought that was genius.) In the end, she had a ball, and has been dancing since!
Girl Drama
It always exists and Dee is always in the middle. Last week my friend picked Dee up from school while I continued my tire search. Dee was downcast. When we met for dinner, Dee continued to be sad. I couldn't get the whole story but something about someone saying she was "going out with Cody." And then she had to go see the counselor. She talked to her therapist, who told her to apologize. So, I'm not sure all that is involved. But it's constant, and it's driving me nuts too!
iPod
Dee is not allowed her iPod right now because she misused it at school. Everyday she sabotages our nighttime routine, she loses another day. She should get it back for home use on February 11th, but it's up to February 14th now. She lost a day today. I heard her crying long after I put her to bed. I thought something was wrong, but remembered she lost a day, so I let her cry. She is always testing.
Circle Your Answer
Dee is communicating a lot with note passing. She will hand me a piece of paper with a question, and say, "Just circle your answer, don't say it.' Yesterday, it was, "Can we go to the hair store?" Yes or No. The answer was no. I found one in her notebook for me: Circle one: I love you. I don't like you very much this moment. She didn't give it to me. But she always wants to see your answer within the realm of her context.
Ready to start a week. I need to get a lot done at work because I miss several days after this week.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Dumb Decision
We are not allowed to use the word "dumb" in our house, so I tried to think of something else to call this post, but really...nothing else describes it as well.
Yesterday, when I turned on the stove, I realized the coils of the burner I was going to use was crooked. I tried to right it before the burner warmed up. For the record: Burners warm up IMMEDIATELY! I called Dee, and asked her to bring the first aid kit. While I worked on my burnt fingers that came flesh to coil with the burner, Dee had to finish cooking dinner.
I was in serious pain. During that time, Dee said, "I told you I was the brains of this house." Not appreciated at the time, but she did have a good point. Then as we sat to eat, I just cried in pain. Dee took the phone called my mom. "Grandma, your daughter burnt her hand on the stove and she is crying." My mom told her to have me run cold water on it, and if it continues she may need to go to the doctor." Dee sat down to dinner, and I cried out in pain. She grabbed the phone. I asked her who she was calling, "9-1-1." I grabbed the phone. She said I needed an ambulance and began to plan her life with me away:
I won't go to school tomorrow. I'll call grandma and she can tell me how to cook everyday. I will have a major party.
Meanwhile, I was still crying in pain. I tried burn ointment, water, ice, frozen everything in the freezer. Finally, I read about flour. I grabbed a bag out of the freezer and stuck my hand in it. I took an acetamenophin with Codeine from three years ago, and between those two...it became bearable.
Dee was proud of herself. So was I. But I was also struck with how attachment or lack thereof reared its ugly head. She showed a little concern for me, but she detached, and plan her life without me...rather quickly.
We talked about it today. She assured me that she loves me and she would miss me. I told her in the book I'm reading there was a line, "Until you love me, you can never trust." And I told her that is where I think we are. She said, "I do love you." I asked her if she felt I loved her. She said even when I'm angry, she knows I love her. So...we have made some progress. There's still so much more to do.
Yesterday, when I turned on the stove, I realized the coils of the burner I was going to use was crooked. I tried to right it before the burner warmed up. For the record: Burners warm up IMMEDIATELY! I called Dee, and asked her to bring the first aid kit. While I worked on my burnt fingers that came flesh to coil with the burner, Dee had to finish cooking dinner.
I was in serious pain. During that time, Dee said, "I told you I was the brains of this house." Not appreciated at the time, but she did have a good point. Then as we sat to eat, I just cried in pain. Dee took the phone called my mom. "Grandma, your daughter burnt her hand on the stove and she is crying." My mom told her to have me run cold water on it, and if it continues she may need to go to the doctor." Dee sat down to dinner, and I cried out in pain. She grabbed the phone. I asked her who she was calling, "9-1-1." I grabbed the phone. She said I needed an ambulance and began to plan her life with me away:
I won't go to school tomorrow. I'll call grandma and she can tell me how to cook everyday. I will have a major party.
Meanwhile, I was still crying in pain. I tried burn ointment, water, ice, frozen everything in the freezer. Finally, I read about flour. I grabbed a bag out of the freezer and stuck my hand in it. I took an acetamenophin with Codeine from three years ago, and between those two...it became bearable.
Dee was proud of herself. So was I. But I was also struck with how attachment or lack thereof reared its ugly head. She showed a little concern for me, but she detached, and plan her life without me...rather quickly.
We talked about it today. She assured me that she loves me and she would miss me. I told her in the book I'm reading there was a line, "Until you love me, you can never trust." And I told her that is where I think we are. She said, "I do love you." I asked her if she felt I loved her. She said even when I'm angry, she knows I love her. So...we have made some progress. There's still so much more to do.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
So much!
My little girl is not being very nice. She has the attitude that won't quit and she is just acting rather mean and entitled. I've tried various things with her, but nothing seems to work. In fact, I think to pay me back, she even urinated on some clothes and stuffed them back in my drawer.
I've had to work hard at not picking up her attitude. I think that is driving her nuts even more.
This morning, for the second day in a row, she refused to get up for school. She was testing to see if I would do what I said. I put her clothes in the car and gave her a minute to get out. She came out as slowly as she could. I left her and came back five minutes later. I gave her the option of going to the police station for truancy or to school.
On the way to school, I told her that I've done a lot of things to make her feel loved and special. Normally, that person would try to make me feel loved and special too. But she thinks "I'm loved and special, and you are not...and I'll prove it to you." I told her that I wanted her to know three things: 1) I am special! 2) I am loved. 3)I'm going to prove 1 and 2 to her.
She didn't have time to grab her eyeglasses this morning, but she did grab her new shoes her aunt sent her yesterday. (When she called my sister, my sister told her she was surprised I gave it to her. Children who are disrespectful should not get new shoes. Dee assured her she had changed.)
As I left the school building, she told me she was going to make a plan. I told her it was a good idea because her current one is not working. And then after all this early morning drama, she asked "Mom, does skinny jeans go well with high tops?"
On the way to work, I thought "I think it was around this time of the year when her and her siblings came into care for the final time. They were home for about a month, and then re-entered the foster care system. Maybe her body knows.
On another note, I have gotten permission to take her to see her younger brother. She has not been allowed contact with her siblings because she is a bad influence on them. I won't tell her about it until late February when we are well on our way in our three hour drive there. I'm excited for her, but I wish she were mentally healthier.
I've had to work hard at not picking up her attitude. I think that is driving her nuts even more.
This morning, for the second day in a row, she refused to get up for school. She was testing to see if I would do what I said. I put her clothes in the car and gave her a minute to get out. She came out as slowly as she could. I left her and came back five minutes later. I gave her the option of going to the police station for truancy or to school.
On the way to school, I told her that I've done a lot of things to make her feel loved and special. Normally, that person would try to make me feel loved and special too. But she thinks "I'm loved and special, and you are not...and I'll prove it to you." I told her that I wanted her to know three things: 1) I am special! 2) I am loved. 3)I'm going to prove 1 and 2 to her.
She didn't have time to grab her eyeglasses this morning, but she did grab her new shoes her aunt sent her yesterday. (When she called my sister, my sister told her she was surprised I gave it to her. Children who are disrespectful should not get new shoes. Dee assured her she had changed.)
As I left the school building, she told me she was going to make a plan. I told her it was a good idea because her current one is not working. And then after all this early morning drama, she asked "Mom, does skinny jeans go well with high tops?"
On the way to work, I thought "I think it was around this time of the year when her and her siblings came into care for the final time. They were home for about a month, and then re-entered the foster care system. Maybe her body knows.
On another note, I have gotten permission to take her to see her younger brother. She has not been allowed contact with her siblings because she is a bad influence on them. I won't tell her about it until late February when we are well on our way in our three hour drive there. I'm excited for her, but I wish she were mentally healthier.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Home Life
Rox continues to mend. She has dealt with lots of nausea. I took her back once, and may have to do it again, but she seemed to perk up a little yesterday.
Dee on the other hand, is driving me bonkers. She has an attitude that won't quit. We saw her psychiatrist for medication. I think she could pick up that I was tired of Dee's games. She asked if Dee was just disrespectful and full of attitude when I gave her something to do. I had to tell her, it's even when I do something "nice" for her.
This morning, I said, "You need socks. It's super cold." She started with the attitude. I kicked her out of my room, and told her not to talk to me for the rest of the morning. That...she doesn't mind. She minds that I did not give her her iPod to use for reading.
My little attached deficient child's iPod is in my purse. When I turned it on, I saw her wallpaper is that of her birthmom and two siblings she never has met.
Chloe, my child who is doing good right now is just fine. She just needed to be mentioned!
Dee on the other hand, is driving me bonkers. She has an attitude that won't quit. We saw her psychiatrist for medication. I think she could pick up that I was tired of Dee's games. She asked if Dee was just disrespectful and full of attitude when I gave her something to do. I had to tell her, it's even when I do something "nice" for her.
This morning, I said, "You need socks. It's super cold." She started with the attitude. I kicked her out of my room, and told her not to talk to me for the rest of the morning. That...she doesn't mind. She minds that I did not give her her iPod to use for reading.
My little attached deficient child's iPod is in my purse. When I turned it on, I saw her wallpaper is that of her birthmom and two siblings she never has met.
Chloe, my child who is doing good right now is just fine. She just needed to be mentioned!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Roxy's Surgery
My little Rocky is home from the hospital. I was way more glad to see her than she was to see me. I'm blaming anesthesia.
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| On her way to surgery |
She is doing real well. She struggles to urinate, but they did cut her bladder, so that makes sense. She has 13 staples. And from diagnosis to coming home, it cost $1,110. She is worth every penny, but we just don't have an extra thousand dollars lying around.
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| 13 staples |
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Rox is Having Surgery
My little Roxy Hope is having surgery tomorrow to get all of those stones out of her bladder. I hope she feels much better. Our vet ordered her a special food, that I'm not sure she will eat, but it's critical to at least try to keep stones from forming in her bladder.
This is Roxy's second bladder stone surgery. She had one about four years ago. She was three then, now she is seven. It scares me a little more. I worried last time that she had to stay at the vet even though no one works at night. This time I'm less worried about that because she was so drugged last time, I don't think she even knew she was there. It doesn't make sense to me that she has to stay there. I worry they may come in to a dog that had a heart attack during the night, but what good would being there do?
I bought a Frosty from Wendy's and we shared it. I wanted her to have some special treatment. Roxy is my sweet-tooth girl. (Chloe is more a protein girl.)
I don't think she will go as willingly into the vet's office tomorrow. She has stayed the day two times in a week, so I think she has caught on. Poor baby. I cried last time I took her for surgery, and I suspect I will do it again.
I know they will do their best. I insisted my 30-year old vet does the surgery. I know he is young, but I suspect he'd rather do most anything than tell me something happened to my dog. And that little fear will help him do his best.
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(This section is about Dee's period. It can be graphic. Please skip if you'd like.)
Today, is Day 3 of Dee being on her period. My child is very, very literal. So I do make a special effort to tell her exactly what I want her to know. She does not have the ability to transfer, infer or draw conclusions on her own. Here's some of our menstrual conversations.
#1
I told Dee that she had to stop before she left any bathroom and turn and look at the toilet. I said, "Make sure there is no blood left on the toilet seat, and all pads are wrapped and thrown away properly." My sweet little girl asked, "Why would there be blood on the toilet?" I thought that was the end of that conversation. This morning, while I was showering, etc., Dee knocked on the door. She wanted me to know the blood had changed colors, and that there was blood in the toilet. I told her, "That's how periods work." And as I closed the bathroom door, I heard her mumble to herself as she went down the stairs, "I thought it was suppose to go in the pad."
#2
Dee had dance tonight, so she took her dance clothes to school. She changes into her dance wear because we need every minute we can get to make there in time. When I checked her school bag later this evening, I saw her underwear in it. I asked her if she put her pad in her leotard. (I was going to tell her that is not OK.) But she said, "No, it was pretty full, so I threw it away." I asked if she had on any pad, and she said, "No." So I used more picture forming words, "When you are on your period, you must wear underwear and a pad at all times except when you are in the bathtub." I hope that covers it.
#3
Why do we have periods monthly? Why can't the blood come out all at once? I told her it was the way God made us. So, she has decided to take it up with Him.
This is Roxy's second bladder stone surgery. She had one about four years ago. She was three then, now she is seven. It scares me a little more. I worried last time that she had to stay at the vet even though no one works at night. This time I'm less worried about that because she was so drugged last time, I don't think she even knew she was there. It doesn't make sense to me that she has to stay there. I worry they may come in to a dog that had a heart attack during the night, but what good would being there do?
I bought a Frosty from Wendy's and we shared it. I wanted her to have some special treatment. Roxy is my sweet-tooth girl. (Chloe is more a protein girl.)
I don't think she will go as willingly into the vet's office tomorrow. She has stayed the day two times in a week, so I think she has caught on. Poor baby. I cried last time I took her for surgery, and I suspect I will do it again.
I know they will do their best. I insisted my 30-year old vet does the surgery. I know he is young, but I suspect he'd rather do most anything than tell me something happened to my dog. And that little fear will help him do his best.
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(This section is about Dee's period. It can be graphic. Please skip if you'd like.)
Today, is Day 3 of Dee being on her period. My child is very, very literal. So I do make a special effort to tell her exactly what I want her to know. She does not have the ability to transfer, infer or draw conclusions on her own. Here's some of our menstrual conversations.
#1
I told Dee that she had to stop before she left any bathroom and turn and look at the toilet. I said, "Make sure there is no blood left on the toilet seat, and all pads are wrapped and thrown away properly." My sweet little girl asked, "Why would there be blood on the toilet?" I thought that was the end of that conversation. This morning, while I was showering, etc., Dee knocked on the door. She wanted me to know the blood had changed colors, and that there was blood in the toilet. I told her, "That's how periods work." And as I closed the bathroom door, I heard her mumble to herself as she went down the stairs, "I thought it was suppose to go in the pad."
#2
Dee had dance tonight, so she took her dance clothes to school. She changes into her dance wear because we need every minute we can get to make there in time. When I checked her school bag later this evening, I saw her underwear in it. I asked her if she put her pad in her leotard. (I was going to tell her that is not OK.) But she said, "No, it was pretty full, so I threw it away." I asked if she had on any pad, and she said, "No." So I used more picture forming words, "When you are on your period, you must wear underwear and a pad at all times except when you are in the bathtub." I hope that covers it.
#3
Why do we have periods monthly? Why can't the blood come out all at once? I told her it was the way God made us. So, she has decided to take it up with Him.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The Seven Dreaded Words
I think at different ages, there are different things you'd rather not hear your kid say. For instance:
I heard the ones today for your 10-year old daughter: "Mom, I think my period has started." And yes, it did. Dee is so happy. She is dancing around. She is so happy and so proud! Her mom...not so much! This opens so many doors I wanted to keep closed.
This child, who has a porn problem, now with grown-up hormones and child-birthing abilities. Scary! And has she completed most of her growing already? We want her taller for her strong bone structure.
And what do you do with a child on her period, who doesn't EVER flush the toilet? Can she start?
I am glad she is excited. It's better than being scared or angry. She was prepared. We've talked a lot about it. She has memorized the Tampon Company pamphlet she received at school. She was not scared at all.
Today, we talked for the zillionth time about leaving a clean bathroom at home and school. We started charting her days. I will teach her how to know when to expect it.
Her body fat percentage on our scale is 14. We've been expecting it since it hit 13%. I saw a documentary once that said at 13% body fat, girls have enough estrogen to start.
In my day, my mom would call everyone and tell them "Dee has become a young lady." Let's go with that...it is more positive than anything I can come up with.
- Age 4, you don't want to hear the kid say, "I want to wear pampers again Mommy."
- At age 15, you don't want your kid to say, "I need to get some birth control."
- At age 18, your worst fear is hearing, "Thanks I'm going to my 'real' mom."
- At age 30, "Can we come and live with you?"
I heard the ones today for your 10-year old daughter: "Mom, I think my period has started." And yes, it did. Dee is so happy. She is dancing around. She is so happy and so proud! Her mom...not so much! This opens so many doors I wanted to keep closed.
This child, who has a porn problem, now with grown-up hormones and child-birthing abilities. Scary! And has she completed most of her growing already? We want her taller for her strong bone structure.
And what do you do with a child on her period, who doesn't EVER flush the toilet? Can she start?
I am glad she is excited. It's better than being scared or angry. She was prepared. We've talked a lot about it. She has memorized the Tampon Company pamphlet she received at school. She was not scared at all.
Today, we talked for the zillionth time about leaving a clean bathroom at home and school. We started charting her days. I will teach her how to know when to expect it.
Her body fat percentage on our scale is 14. We've been expecting it since it hit 13%. I saw a documentary once that said at 13% body fat, girls have enough estrogen to start.
In my day, my mom would call everyone and tell them "Dee has become a young lady." Let's go with that...it is more positive than anything I can come up with.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
New Year...Slow Beginnings
Dee became very use to the time off we had. Even though we only did four-day weekends, we had two of them in a row. It was very relaxing and nice to be home. She was not excited school started back this week, but I was. I felt we needed some routine.
Dee's teacher is allowing them to bring their electronics in to school to read e-books. I think it's nice she is encouraging them in any way, but I only foresee problems. The district has a policy of no electronics at school. Some kid will lose their iPod, Nook or Kindle. I hope it works out. Dee begged and even though I'm going to miss the big investment I have in this iPod, I said OK. Of course, we had to rush and download a book!
Last night Dee knew her teacher was considering this so she asked. I told her I needed to hear it from the teacher. She asked me to not give her her iPod. (I keep it during the night hours.) She told me she had plans to sneak it, and it was making her not sleep. I congratulated her on feeling guilty BEFORE she did the wrong thing instead of AFTER. It's a huge step. She did substitute and try to sneak her lotions and lip balms to school. But when I asked what she had with her that should not go to school, she said, "OK, fine." And took the bag of items out. I explained to her after school why she could not take that kind of stuff. It would distract her to no end.
Today Dee's quarterly bank statement came in the mail. She was scared to open it since she has not put any money in during the entire quarter. She has not done a good job of saving in 2011. She saved $59. She could have done more.
Roxy has been acting like she has a urinary tract infection. I took her to the vet. We think her urate stones are back. That can't be comfortable. My poor baby. She had an x-ray, and is due for an ultrasound next week. Vet bills are one big expense. Yesterday's x-rays and visit was $176.00. If I have it, my baby is worth it.
Chloe is just being her sweet self. She does not like having a foster dog in the house. She has been having vivid dreams involving screams. She is twice the size of the foster and the foster doesn't care about her. But she is stressed.
Me...I've had a horrible cold. I wish it was more than a cold because it has gotten me down, and it seems like it should be something with a more severe name than a "common" cold!
2012...we're loving it so far! Praise God!
Dee's teacher is allowing them to bring their electronics in to school to read e-books. I think it's nice she is encouraging them in any way, but I only foresee problems. The district has a policy of no electronics at school. Some kid will lose their iPod, Nook or Kindle. I hope it works out. Dee begged and even though I'm going to miss the big investment I have in this iPod, I said OK. Of course, we had to rush and download a book!
Last night Dee knew her teacher was considering this so she asked. I told her I needed to hear it from the teacher. She asked me to not give her her iPod. (I keep it during the night hours.) She told me she had plans to sneak it, and it was making her not sleep. I congratulated her on feeling guilty BEFORE she did the wrong thing instead of AFTER. It's a huge step. She did substitute and try to sneak her lotions and lip balms to school. But when I asked what she had with her that should not go to school, she said, "OK, fine." And took the bag of items out. I explained to her after school why she could not take that kind of stuff. It would distract her to no end.
Today Dee's quarterly bank statement came in the mail. She was scared to open it since she has not put any money in during the entire quarter. She has not done a good job of saving in 2011. She saved $59. She could have done more.
Roxy has been acting like she has a urinary tract infection. I took her to the vet. We think her urate stones are back. That can't be comfortable. My poor baby. She had an x-ray, and is due for an ultrasound next week. Vet bills are one big expense. Yesterday's x-rays and visit was $176.00. If I have it, my baby is worth it.
Chloe is just being her sweet self. She does not like having a foster dog in the house. She has been having vivid dreams involving screams. She is twice the size of the foster and the foster doesn't care about her. But she is stressed.
Me...I've had a horrible cold. I wish it was more than a cold because it has gotten me down, and it seems like it should be something with a more severe name than a "common" cold!
2012...we're loving it so far! Praise God!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Dee's Confession of Faith
I couldn't remember exactly when Dee asked Christ into her heart. So I went back through e-mails. I want to save this so I'm putting it out on my blog for future reference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: Dee
To: mmarrs
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:09 PM
HI, paster i gest wanting to tell you that I ASKED GOD IN MY HART LASTNIGHT ! and i want to be baptized whenever you have a time.P.S i want to show the world that i'm the knew Chistian P.S thankyou for teaching me about God.
Dee P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: Dee
To: mmarrs
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:09 PM
HI, paster i gest wanting to tell you that I ASKED GOD IN MY HART LASTNIGHT ! and i want to be baptized whenever you have a time.P.S i want to show the world that i'm the knew Chistian P.S thankyou for teaching me about God.
Dee P
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
The Little Things
Dee got some great things for her Christmas, but I knew she would love the little things that were waiting for her in her stocking. She did.
First, she got some bath time paint. She can write on herself, the tub, the wall. I got it from Avon and she loves it.
Second, she got new bras that actually have cup sizes. She is thrilled. She has been needing them. I looked for weeks for little girls bras that did not have padding. Nearly impossible to find if you don't want a sports bra. She loves the padding, and I'm wondering why they are adding this stuff to children's lingerie.
Third, I put a "shaver" in her stocking. She has been begging to shave under her arms. Finally, I realized it was time. She got a razor, but only I could use it. I shaved her today, and she was thrilled.
She also got a birthstone necklace, deodorant and Mary Kay facial cleanser and moisturizer.
That stocking was very Dee! She loved it! I knew she would.
First, she got some bath time paint. She can write on herself, the tub, the wall. I got it from Avon and she loves it.
Second, she got new bras that actually have cup sizes. She is thrilled. She has been needing them. I looked for weeks for little girls bras that did not have padding. Nearly impossible to find if you don't want a sports bra. She loves the padding, and I'm wondering why they are adding this stuff to children's lingerie.
Third, I put a "shaver" in her stocking. She has been begging to shave under her arms. Finally, I realized it was time. She got a razor, but only I could use it. I shaved her today, and she was thrilled.
She also got a birthstone necklace, deodorant and Mary Kay facial cleanser and moisturizer.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
A Little Better
Today, I went back to work. I'm so grateful. I really needed some separation from Dee. The support of my coworkers and the space allowed me that. People fed me back my on parenting theories when I couldn't see it myself.
I could think a lot clearer without the constant negative talk, sabatoge and attitude feeding into my thought processes.
When I picked Dee up from daycare, I didn't say anything. I wanted her to earn the rights that she had lost. We sat down to dinner and I asked her to tell me what went wrong during the weekend. She did great. She talked about her attitude, her sabatoge, trying to get control, etc. She didn't mention the porn. She also mentioned that when she was egging me on and I let her that didn't help. She said she replayed the things in her head, and she saw clearly the things that were wrong.
Then we talked more about it. She continued with the attitude, so I would say, "Stop. We apparently can't talk to each other." Eventually, we made it through the conversation.
I would not give her the right to call me "Mom" again until she wrote what she appreciated about me. It took three rounds. First Round she wrote why I should let her call me Mom:
Dear Miss Gale,
Here is some things I think should call you mom. First I think you have have kid that you adopted and that kid should be able to call you "mom." You are very strict about things that are mean to others, things that get out of control. You adopted me so that you will have kid that will treat you with respectuflness and that has a kind tone in her voice and not a nasty tone in her voice. You also expect others to threat you the way you want to be treated, and you expect your kid to be happy and joyful, thoughtful, for all of the hard work you have put into something like oh I don't know maybe a present opening morning time with all kinds of stuff. I think you should let me call you mom because did adopt me to not let me call you mom.
Round Two
To Gale
From Dee
I appreciate about you that you are a hard worker, and you think about yourself first then you think about others. And I appreciate too about you is that you can make something that is small into something huge like for x-mas time. And you protect me when I am sad, scard, etc. And I'm scared of the dark , when I ask you if you could sleep with me and you do. You always, and I mean always, make me feel better with the dark.
(OK...I cracked up on this one. She said I think of others first, like when I told her to stop helping others at school until she gets her work done. I told her I had to do my work at work, and then I can help others. She said, I made her birthdays and Christmases big deals when they were small.) It was nice when you know what she meant, but I sent her back for Round Three!
1. You are thoughtful.
2. You are a great patient to me.
3. You take care of me.
4. You always make sure I'm happy (only on a good day).
5. You help me with my work so I can grow up smart.
6. You make sure I look good on school days. :)
7. You're funny all of the time. :)
I took Round 3 because I was tired, but it is more of what I wanted from her.
I could think a lot clearer without the constant negative talk, sabatoge and attitude feeding into my thought processes.
When I picked Dee up from daycare, I didn't say anything. I wanted her to earn the rights that she had lost. We sat down to dinner and I asked her to tell me what went wrong during the weekend. She did great. She talked about her attitude, her sabatoge, trying to get control, etc. She didn't mention the porn. She also mentioned that when she was egging me on and I let her that didn't help. She said she replayed the things in her head, and she saw clearly the things that were wrong.
Then we talked more about it. She continued with the attitude, so I would say, "Stop. We apparently can't talk to each other." Eventually, we made it through the conversation.
I would not give her the right to call me "Mom" again until she wrote what she appreciated about me. It took three rounds. First Round she wrote why I should let her call me Mom:
Dear Miss Gale,
Here is some things I think should call you mom. First I think you have have kid that you adopted and that kid should be able to call you "mom." You are very strict about things that are mean to others, things that get out of control. You adopted me so that you will have kid that will treat you with respectuflness and that has a kind tone in her voice and not a nasty tone in her voice. You also expect others to threat you the way you want to be treated, and you expect your kid to be happy and joyful, thoughtful, for all of the hard work you have put into something like oh I don't know maybe a present opening morning time with all kinds of stuff. I think you should let me call you mom because did adopt me to not let me call you mom.
Round Two
To Gale
From Dee
I appreciate about you that you are a hard worker, and you think about yourself first then you think about others. And I appreciate too about you is that you can make something that is small into something huge like for x-mas time. And you protect me when I am sad, scard, etc. And I'm scared of the dark , when I ask you if you could sleep with me and you do. You always, and I mean always, make me feel better with the dark.
(OK...I cracked up on this one. She said I think of others first, like when I told her to stop helping others at school until she gets her work done. I told her I had to do my work at work, and then I can help others. She said, I made her birthdays and Christmases big deals when they were small.) It was nice when you know what she meant, but I sent her back for Round Three!
1. You are thoughtful.
2. You are a great patient to me.
3. You take care of me.
4. You always make sure I'm happy (only on a good day).
5. You help me with my work so I can grow up smart.
6. You make sure I look good on school days. :)
7. You're funny all of the time. :)
I took Round 3 because I was tired, but it is more of what I wanted from her.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Christmas 2011
I have been both excited and scared at the Christmas Dee was going to have. I would think about how she'd feel when she saw her big gifts and even the little gifts in her stockings. I knew it would mean a lot. At the same time, I was concerned that she would sabotage.
On Christmas Eve, she did try to sabotage. I announced to her that she could try it, but she was not allowed to ruin the dogs and my Christmas Eve. She did not have to participate, but she needed to be quiet, and ride along. After church, we picked up the dogs, and went to look at light. Of course, she acted a fool at bed time. I ended up letting our recorded book read to me, and left her out. I told her the next day, I hope she can join in next year. If not, maybe it will just be my tradition.
Christmas Day, she did well. She pouted some. She showed off a lot at church. But later in the day, when some kids were visiting, I was working on allowing her iPod to text, when she came up and got the new toy. Of course, I had unlocked it to work on.
A little while later, I was reviewing her e-mails, and she had one from Annana. It was blank, but I became suspicious. I asked her to bring her iPod up. She was very protective of it. I said, "I think I may have left internet on it." She said I had. I opened up Internet, and sure enough...in that short time, she was watching porn! I took the thing away. Locked it up and gave it back. I told her I was disappointed because we agreed what she would do if any Christmas present was overwhelming.
Then she started that crazy talk she does, and I took it back. She screamed and yelled and tantrumed. Then she wrote an apology where she just called me Miss Gale. I asked her why, and she said she felt like it. I returned her homemade present. I told her that those special gifts were from mom and daughter, but apparently I got mine from a girl in my house. She then returned mine this morning. She said she did want to call me Mom. I reminded her we have been through this before. It's not an at-will thing. You don't get to choose when I'm your mom or not. It ended with me saying, "You may call me Miss Gale."
I also gave her back her iPod this morning. It is a very expensive MP3 player and camera. I suspect she will lose the camera option soon.
She is probably loving the chaos she has caused. Next year, I will read this and there will NOTHING given to her by me or anyone else that can ruin my Christmas.
On Christmas Eve, she did try to sabotage. I announced to her that she could try it, but she was not allowed to ruin the dogs and my Christmas Eve. She did not have to participate, but she needed to be quiet, and ride along. After church, we picked up the dogs, and went to look at light. Of course, she acted a fool at bed time. I ended up letting our recorded book read to me, and left her out. I told her the next day, I hope she can join in next year. If not, maybe it will just be my tradition.
Christmas Day, she did well. She pouted some. She showed off a lot at church. But later in the day, when some kids were visiting, I was working on allowing her iPod to text, when she came up and got the new toy. Of course, I had unlocked it to work on.
A little while later, I was reviewing her e-mails, and she had one from Annana. It was blank, but I became suspicious. I asked her to bring her iPod up. She was very protective of it. I said, "I think I may have left internet on it." She said I had. I opened up Internet, and sure enough...in that short time, she was watching porn! I took the thing away. Locked it up and gave it back. I told her I was disappointed because we agreed what she would do if any Christmas present was overwhelming.
Then she started that crazy talk she does, and I took it back. She screamed and yelled and tantrumed. Then she wrote an apology where she just called me Miss Gale. I asked her why, and she said she felt like it. I returned her homemade present. I told her that those special gifts were from mom and daughter, but apparently I got mine from a girl in my house. She then returned mine this morning. She said she did want to call me Mom. I reminded her we have been through this before. It's not an at-will thing. You don't get to choose when I'm your mom or not. It ended with me saying, "You may call me Miss Gale."
I also gave her back her iPod this morning. It is a very expensive MP3 player and camera. I suspect she will lose the camera option soon.
She is probably loving the chaos she has caused. Next year, I will read this and there will NOTHING given to her by me or anyone else that can ruin my Christmas.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Asking for It..
I know that Dee will be overwhelmed with the number of presents she is getting. I'm so excited to see her get things she wants...but I'm scared and sad for how her reaction maybe later. We've talked, but I know she won't be able to help if she can't handle it.
She is suppose to ask me to keep things for her if it gets to be too much. Here is the source of my concern.
iPod Touch from Mommy
Used Bike from Grandma & Uncle Ricky
Used Keyboard from Santa
iTune Giftcards from Uncle David, Auntie Shawn and Auntie Be-Be
Cody Simpson CD from Chloe
Taylor Swift CD from Roxy
Selena Gomez CD from Uncle Tony
Gift Card from Secret Benefactor at church
Dance School Sweatshirt from Santa
Best Buy Gift Card from Mom
Jeans and Shoes from Auntie Rea
Barbie Head from Jackson & Family
Gift from Lesia
Gift from Aunt PJ
Gift from Aunt Donna
In her stocking:
Bath paints
Moisturizer and Cleanser
First razor
Bras (cup size) not band-aids
Birthstone necklace
She will absolutely love her Christmas. But it did get to be much! Someone was selling the bike which has been exposed to the elements but has never been ridden for $40. The keyboard was given to me when I mentioned it topped her wish list by someone not using it anymore. And so...this is probably be the biggest Christmas she will ever have. And I just know...I will pay for it. But first, I will enjoy her joy!
She is suppose to ask me to keep things for her if it gets to be too much. Here is the source of my concern.
iPod Touch from Mommy
Used Bike from Grandma & Uncle Ricky
Used Keyboard from Santa
iTune Giftcards from Uncle David, Auntie Shawn and Auntie Be-Be
Cody Simpson CD from Chloe
Taylor Swift CD from Roxy
Selena Gomez CD from Uncle Tony
Gift Card from Secret Benefactor at church
Dance School Sweatshirt from Santa
Best Buy Gift Card from Mom
Jeans and Shoes from Auntie Rea
Barbie Head from Jackson & Family
Gift from Lesia
Gift from Aunt PJ
Gift from Aunt Donna
In her stocking:
Bath paints
Moisturizer and Cleanser
First razor
Bras (cup size) not band-aids
Birthstone necklace
She will absolutely love her Christmas. But it did get to be much! Someone was selling the bike which has been exposed to the elements but has never been ridden for $40. The keyboard was given to me when I mentioned it topped her wish list by someone not using it anymore. And so...this is probably be the biggest Christmas she will ever have. And I just know...I will pay for it. But first, I will enjoy her joy!
I Passed!
Today, Dee didn't get up when called. I finally said, "I'm going to warm up the car, and the car leaves in five minutes." She knows from experience, the car will leave in five minutes. Once she waited, and I made her chase me for almost two blocks carrying a ton of things. So she cam scurrying out, fully dressed, and with backpack. I was suspicious.
In the car, I told her that I hadn't done her laundry because she did not put them in the laundry area of the basement. I told her three times yesterday to get that laundry in the right place.
Then we got to school. She handed me her book bag to check. I said, "Bathroom." We walked to the girls' bathroom and I did our strip search. I made her take off her boots, and I checked her bra and underwear. I found nothing. When she was putting her boots on, I checked her coat's hood. She asked what I was doing and I said, "Making sure you didn't sneak anything in your hood." She seemed annoyed with the whole process.
After I signed her in, she came and hugged me and gave me a kiss. On the way to work, I realized I passed! I made her feel safe by not being manipulated by tardiness into not making sure she respected the boundaries. She would have punished me if she felt I couldn't keep her safe from herself. Whew!
In the car, I told her that I hadn't done her laundry because she did not put them in the laundry area of the basement. I told her three times yesterday to get that laundry in the right place.
Then we got to school. She handed me her book bag to check. I said, "Bathroom." We walked to the girls' bathroom and I did our strip search. I made her take off her boots, and I checked her bra and underwear. I found nothing. When she was putting her boots on, I checked her coat's hood. She asked what I was doing and I said, "Making sure you didn't sneak anything in your hood." She seemed annoyed with the whole process.
After I signed her in, she came and hugged me and gave me a kiss. On the way to work, I realized I passed! I made her feel safe by not being manipulated by tardiness into not making sure she respected the boundaries. She would have punished me if she felt I couldn't keep her safe from herself. Whew!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Therapy Insights!
Last night at therapy, I spoke with the therapist first. We talked about how Dee is stuck on birth family right now, how she is losing information and her social skills.
The therapist told me that Dee disassociates from conversations, and she knew I knew this. But what I'm apparently not getting is that Dee does not remember any of the conversation that she dissaociates from. So, when she disassociates, I must bring her back with a touch.
Second, she thinks Dee was exposed to drugs and/or alcohol in utero. I agree. Even though there was no note in her hospital birth records, and her apgar scores were 9's, she has all the signs. I did read an article that said apgar scores may not be a good indicator. I think they may not have tested her blood because of the apgar scores. Anyway, she said it would explain why she would completely know something , like which pills she takes, and then suddenly no longer know it.
Dee had a separate session with her. I'm not sure what she talked about, but it was the first time she wanted to meet with her separately. I haven't had any patience, so I'm sure she had to have another place to get her answers.
The therapist told me something that I'm more than aware of. Right now, I'm Dee's whole world. She has other things, but in this world...she just has me to depend on. That's gotta be scary for her!
The therapist told me that Dee disassociates from conversations, and she knew I knew this. But what I'm apparently not getting is that Dee does not remember any of the conversation that she dissaociates from. So, when she disassociates, I must bring her back with a touch.
Second, she thinks Dee was exposed to drugs and/or alcohol in utero. I agree. Even though there was no note in her hospital birth records, and her apgar scores were 9's, she has all the signs. I did read an article that said apgar scores may not be a good indicator. I think they may not have tested her blood because of the apgar scores. Anyway, she said it would explain why she would completely know something , like which pills she takes, and then suddenly no longer know it.
Dee had a separate session with her. I'm not sure what she talked about, but it was the first time she wanted to meet with her separately. I haven't had any patience, so I'm sure she had to have another place to get her answers.
The therapist told me something that I'm more than aware of. Right now, I'm Dee's whole world. She has other things, but in this world...she just has me to depend on. That's gotta be scary for her!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Deliveries!
Today, I came home to my "Trauma MaMa" exchange present sitting on my front porch. How fun!!!! Another box was on top of that, and it was from a Dogster (a dog blog site)friend...something for each one in the family! We got cards and Dee sat under the tree rearranging all the gifts. Most Dee had wrapped. I keep all her gifts at work until Christmas Eve to help with sneaking.
I think it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
I think it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
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