Self-Image

Monday, Dee was in her new normal mood of depression at therapy.  She did not want to participate, but if we were going to insist, she was going to not see anything positively.  1) I don't really care about her.  2) We don't bond.  3) She is not as smart as other kids.  4) Her skin is too dark.  Yes, when the therapist told me these things, I rolled my eyes.  I'm not sure how much they bothered her in that moment and how much they bother her normally. 

I instituted a mandatory game time each day.  That's the kind of thing she considers "bonding."  So we play a game or two each day.   She does seem to like it.

I talked to her about me not caring, and of course, that is just nuts.  She went to see the psychiatrist the next day, and there she felt better.  Yes, she knew I loved her.  I am strict.  I do want her at home.  Answers directly opposed to the day before.  I told her that her answers were different, and she explained the day before away.

I told her when I was growing up, parents began to think that their children needed dolls that look like them.  They wanted to see African Americans on TV and doing well so their kids could know they were fine just the way they were.  I told her it wasn't as saturated as it is today.  It must have stuck with both of us today because she wanted a doll that cost too much, and I bought it.

Today, while at the mall having a scavenger hunt between us two, we stopped at the American Girl store.  She really wanted a doll, and I finally said, "You are the only daughter I have.  OK, get one."  She got one that was closest to her skin color.  She debated straight hair or curly hair -- but chose straight hair.  She named her Mariah.  We bought Mariah a pair of glasses and dance clothes that were on sale.  Here is Dee and mini-Dee (Mariah):

Tonight, we started reading the book we actually went to American Girl store to get:  "A Smart Girl's Guide to Liking Herself -- Even on Bad Days."  So when made this statement about someon on TV, "That was not smart.  Even I know that, and I'm Dee."  I was able to remind her that the book says that if you are to have high self-esteem, you can't call yourself names.  (In this case, an implied "dummy.")  Maybe we can still move forward.