Sarcasm

Dee loves to use sarcasm.  Using sarcasm is usually not nice, but it does take skills.  There are nuances in tone and inflection that take timing and good adjusment.  Dee does not always do well with these.  Yesterday, I told her:  "Brush your teeth, wash your face, and if you have an extra five minutes, maybe you can make me a sandwich for lunch.  I'd like ham and cheese."  She said, "Why do I have to make your lunch?  You have two hands."  Let's just say that did not go over well.  Later that evening, she asked me to make her some strawberry milk.  I said, "OK cause I love you."  Of course, if I were you, I'd say, "Why should I make you milk...you have two hands or two legs."

Please God, Help Me on My Test

For a week, Dee's teacher has been sending a note in her daily e-mail that the children would bring their notes home to prepare for their test on US Regions.  I waited and waited for Dee to bring home her note.  Nothing.  Finally, on Friday, I said, "Dee, your teacher said you would bring notes home to study for your test.  I'm not going to write to her.  It's not her responsibility.  It's your responsibility.  Bring the notes home."  Of course, nothing.  She said when she got in the car, "I asked the teacher.  She said you should know.  So, I don't have it."  I told her that was too bad since it was her responsibility to make sure it came home.

There was no school today.  So the test is tomorrow.  In her night-time prayer, Dee asked God to help her on her test.  I  had to let her know that God does not help you when you don't do your part.  I let her know I had did some research on Regions, but I chose to follow her lead.  She didn't seem concern, so we'll see how it goes.  She is angry!  She is doing her crazy talk!  Not happy at all.  She has never cared about failing a test before.  She cares now because this year, a bad grade comes with consequences.  She has learning disabilities so I don't consequence her on bad grades.  But failure to try...oh yeah....consequences.  So she cares.  Maybe 5th grade and subsequent years will pick up for her after this.

If she has learned anything, I hope God does help her.  I hope her teacher is watching her for cheating, because she will try.  The grades are 0 - 4.  A 3 is acceptable.  She will be fine if she gets 2.0 or 2.5.  (That's her norm.)  But I foresee her getting a 0.5 - 1.5.  Oh well!

Boo!

In our neighborhood, Halloween is a very social holiday.  It kicks off with "Boo-ing."  The new tradition of leaving treats for a neighbor, May Day style, and watching signs appear through the neighborhood of people who have been boo-ed.

We were boo-ed a couple of days ago.  Dee was thrilled!  She remembered the tradition from last year.  She couldn't wait for us to put our boo treats together.  We didn't bake.  We put some cookies, mini cupcakes and a few pieces of candy on the plates.  I chose the first house.  She chose the next two.  I stood behind the tree, car, or dumpster while Dee ran and placed the treats.  She was so excited.

It's sort of fun to see things coming around from the time when she was a little more regulated.  She feels very much at home.  Seeing things for the second time makes her say things like "We always..."  She also remembers exactly what we did last year and who we boo-ed.

Funny girl!

A No Plan Saturday

This was almost a perfect Saturday. I lost my Fitbit I won. It is valued at $100, so I can't replace it. But otherwise, the day was a lot of fun.

Dee and I had a contest to see who could clean their room the fastest and best. After two hours, we had to give ourselves an extension because we are both slobs and slow. We worked pretty hard. Stopped for a pizza break and trashed talked each other. At 3:00, I called times up. Dee started crying. She was behind. I let her get her minutes for her phone, but she had to finish. We enjoyed each other.

I found my missing watch in my clothes hamper. I was so happy that I started to cry. It touched Dee that I cared about the watch she gave me, and she started crying too!

Tonight when she looked at me, she looked so pretty. She is always so pretty when she is happy.

Chloe went and laid with Dee for five whole minutes. They are also bonding.

It was a good day!

Good-bye Zyprexa

When Dee came home, her foster mom sent a box of Zyprexa and some specific instructions.  She also cautioned that Dee would rage and tantrum just to get Zyprexa.  It immediately calms and knocks you out.  I never let her know I had it.  Today, I was cutting each individual one open and flushing it down the toilet because I couldn't come up with any other way to get rid of it.  I called her in to see.  I told her that I never used it because it was dangerous and I knew she'd try to get it.  She agreed with that.  She was stunned that I had it and she didn't know.  She started to tell me the story of when she went to camp and got it, but I told her I had heard her foster mom's version of that story, so she stopped.

She actually overheard her foster mom telling the camp nurse to use it in case of emergency.  Dee managed to get the camp nurse to give her one each night.  When she came home (foster home), she started raging and breaking things just to get it.

I took the time to re-explain that taking meds you don't need is the first step to drug addiction.  I told her she needed to practice now if she wanted to be able to say no to drugs as a teen.

The Consequences of Consequences

After the meltdown on Monday, I went to Dee's room on Tuesday night and asked her if she wanted to talk about consequences.  She said she was just thinking about asking about them.  I asked her if she wanted me to start with the hardest or easiest.  She chose harder.  First, I made her list all of the things she did wrong.  She mentioned throwing, yelling, saying bad words, pinching, attitude.  So here are her consequences:

1.  No cell phone until Friday after school.
2.  No TV all week.  On the weekends, she could have 1 hour on each Saturday and Sunday.
3.  No DVD - same rules as TV.
4.  No Nintendo DS.

She asked if that was all, and said she was wanting more.  She was trying to be control, but I complied :

1.  Must walk the dogs alone once a day to make up for scaring them.
2.  Clean out the fridge.

Since then, she has been fun and happy.  She made dinner for me last night.  It's something to do when you don't have electronics!

Tonight, we played a game on the computer together.

Long time, No see

It's been a long time since Mr. Meltdown and Ms. Tantrum stopped by, but they must have missed us because they came barging in yesterday.  I was not happy to see them.

Dee's class had earned a pajama day at school.  She was excited.  She had set out some PJ's that I thought looked dirty and a Christmas robe.  I moved them since she wouldn't wake up to talk to me.  I left a substitute.  When she finally woke up I was in the shower.  She found her original stuff and got dressed.  She was in a mood.  I think she thought, "I'll go as slow as I want and dress how I want.  What's she gonna do...take me to school in my PJ's?"  (That's my normal morning threat.  "Let's go.  Get dressed.  OK...then get dressed at school." )Without it, she decided she could be as slow and as rude as she wanted.  And she was.

We made it to school, but we had to find a fountain so she could take her meds.  She continued being rude and snotty.  I refused to leave her at school like that.  Without another word, I walked past her before-school daycare straight to the car.  She went nuts...no NUTS!!!   We were going home but she was screaming about the police.  She threw things in the car, broke things and screamed and beat the window.  Finally, I dug in my pocket and got her little $20 cell phone.  I rolled down the window and dangled it outside, and said, "One more sound.  One more thing thrown.  Your phone will live on I-29."  Silence.  Real silence.  Of course, as soon as I parked the car she started again.  I walked to the neighborhood trash bin.

She went even more NUTS!  Eventually, I made her sit down to start doing school work at home.  She tried her antagonistic approach.  "Why did you even get a kid if you don't love them?"  "I hate you."  "You are dumb and stupid."  Then....she starting repeating every word I said.  So finally I put the cell phone on the table and said, "I know you love this thing.  I wanted to give you another chance.  But a thing doesn't mean anything to me.  A nice, obedient and Christian acting girl does."  I got up and got a hammer.  The next time she said, "I HATE YOU.'  Down came the hammer with all my might.  I missed!  It was right there and I missed.  I think God knew I needed the leverage that phone gives me.

Eventually I told her she could go to school if she changed into jeans and a t-shirt in five minutes.  She actually said thank you.  She did not want to stay with me.  And when she came down.  She was smiling.  There was a twinkle in her eye.  And she was joking.  It scared me.  I was still quite furious.  Who can do that?  I decided she really needed to blow up to go on.  It was getting to be too much for her to handle everything.  She needed a good ole fashioned tantrum.  Now...I have to find a way to get her that same feeling without blowing up.

When we came home, the dogs were afraid of her.  They remember all too well.  I feel bad for her, but I don't have the patience for it any more either.  [Sigh]

A couple of funny things from this episode:
When we got home, she said, "I thought you were taking me to the police.  I told her no that would be too easy."

When she wouldn't cooperate, I told her it was OK with me if we worked straight through her tumbling class which ends at 8:45.  She said, "You should send me to tumbling for punishment, I don't like it that much anyway."  Right!

When she was back to herself, she wondered out loud what had happened the day before to precipitate it.  I told her it wasn't the day before, it was her wanting to be the mom, to be the boss.  I told her that I was the boss of her.  And until she is grown and married and living with her husband and paying the bills, I would be the boss.  She asked what if she stays single.  I said then you can't live in my house or use my money and you can be the boss.  She said, "I'm going to get a house next door to you."

I reminded her that she was not the only crazy person the house.  She told me that there was a crazy person in the house and it was not her!

Catching Up on the Week

It's been a rather easy week.  Our therapist had to cancel because she had a sick child.  I was so glad.  It meant I didn't have to drive an extra 65 miles this week.  I was pleased.  Dee was not as pleased.  She was upset when I picked her up even though I sent her teacher an e-mail to give her a message.  She thought it meant that we wouldn't have our McDonalds.  We stopped at McDonalds and she perked up.

The next day, I offered to take her to the movies, but she only wanted to hang out at home.  Saturday, she did the same thing.  Unfortunately, I forced her outside on Saturday, and then out on Sunday to the movies and to play. 

I do like that I can talk to her.  She is always self-psychoanalyzing.  She wondered if she was making some poor choices because she has her cell phone.  I think she is always looking for an excuse.  I told her that it was too bad because I wanted her to have good, and I had to teach her how to have good things like TV, and phones without her becoming obsessed with them. 

Yesterday we didn't give her her afternoon pill until 2 hours late, and then she woke up at 3 or 4 am and was cleaning her room.  I let her, and she did fine today.  Today, we skipped the pill on purpose so that she could actually rest.

We went to dessert at a neighbor's house.  I don't like to do that kind of stuff, but it's so Dee.  We both had a great time.  We are actually both extroverts once around other people.

We saw the movie, Dolphin Tail, and she loved it.  She was so excited and experiencing the right emotions, it was nice.

Let's hope for another nice week.  We have therapy this week, and then we are off for a couple of weeks.  Our therapist has offered to travel closer to us once my company moves.  That will be helpful!

She is struggling with where she fits with her birth mom and me.  She will struggle with this concept her entire life I think.

Observation Week

The dance/gymnastics school Dee attends had parent observation this week.  Watching her in her tumbling class was super painful.  She didn't try anything!  She pretended to try.  She would just make a big production and do nothing!  The other girls would cheer her, and she'd respond playfully, and then nothing.  It went on like that for 45 minutes.  I even saw her pretend to not be able to do the warmup exercise.  I truly wanted to leave.  But I stayed and pretended it was OK.  After the class I told the teacher she didn't even try.  The teacher said she likes to use positive reinforcement, but she wasn't able to find Dee doing anything right yesterday to do that.  She even added "Do the thing you are best at."  to the end of class.  Dee did nothing.  Next week, she said she and Dee were going to pick just one thing for her to work on.

Tonight was dance.  You can imagine how unexcited I was to watch her in THREE dance classes after last night.  But a pleasant surprise.  She did well in each one.  I think she did best at ballet, but she likes hip hop best.  I was just glad she was learning something somewhere in the building!

I came home to a bunch of urine in the hallway.  It makes me worry about Roxy.  I'm not sure who did it, but it is more than either dog.  I think Rox will have to have surgery...probably next week.

RIP Indigo

Poor little Indigo, our last attempt to have a Betta fish, died yesterday.  I'm not quite sure why Indigo died.  I passed him on to Dee when I couldn't take the loss of Peaches...my little sick Betta.  Dee didn't take care of him like I would have, but he seemed pretty happy.  Until recently....  I asked Dee a couple of days ago when Indigo last ate, and she said, "It's been a while."  I told her to feed him.  Last night when Indigo was "swimming" vertically, I asked again.  Then I pronounced him dead.  She assured me he was not dead.  But after trying to get his attention, she said something like "Oh well."

I told her to flush him.  She asked me to.  I made her.  When she came back to the room, I asked her if she knew why I made her do it, and she said, "Cause it seemed like I didn't care."  I confirmed that was the reason and gave a speech about being responsible for a living thing and caring about it.

Cheering

So today was the big cheer day!  We managed to leave with a little rushing.  I left my cell phone -- that is not a good thing.  But we stopped at a park and took pictures, bought some hair spray and got gas.  The traffic to the stadium was unbelievable.  We got there on time for the cheer check-in, but after kick-off.

Dee was acting up a little when I dropped her off.  She didn't want to take a picture.  It was just a control thing.  I walked away without saying good-bye.

The performance was nice.  She did really well!  She thought she was cute and felt the crowd was there to see her.  Had a bit of trouble taming her ego.  We stopped on the way home and did a few photos by one of the fountains.  She wanted to go to the movies.  I thought it was a good idea, to let it be all fun today.

But as we got nearer to home, she decided she just wanted to just stay home and be lazy.  She did have a bit of an attitude, so that was not acceptable.

I think this cheerleader thing was very positive.  The young ladies are good positive role models.  Most have very professional careers:  teachers, programmers, etc.  Dee gained some confidence.  Overall, it was good.  If she wants to do it next year, I will let her.

Sick Little Girl

For the first time since Dee came home, I had to pick her up early from school.  She was sick.  A bout of diarrhea.  Dee has a tendency to be hyperchondriac.  Her stomach started to bother her just as I dropped her off.  I gave her some Pepto and told her to go to the bathroom.  They called me before I made it to work, then when school started, and finally at 10:00.  She didn't feel well.  She slept.  Our rule is you have to just lay in your bed, maybe reading until the time we would have come home if you are sick.  If you are sick, that is no problem.  She started complaining about 3:00, so she was feeling better.  I made her stay in the bed.  It's the only way I don't have a problem with faking illness.

Yesterday, she woke up and ate pancakes, with my permission.  Then she felt she throw in some pizza rolls.  While at the vet, she had another instance of diarrhea.  I made her starve with only crackers and 7-up.  She had her dress rehearsal for the NFL game she is performing at.  She was fine.

She ate a regular dinner after her rehearsal, and has done well.

Dee refused to practice her cheer routine for the big NFL game.  She said she knew it!  I must admit, she did pretty good for a girl who hasn't practiced.  Today is the game.  It will be fun and exciting for her to perform for tens of thousands of people.

We ran some blood and urine test on Roxy to see if anything other than allergies is wrong with her.  She is starting a round of prednisone for the allergies.  Hopefully, she is feeling better soon!

Therapy Confession

I told Dee that I didn't want to go to therapy because I knew the therapist would not be pleased about the cell phone.  She gave me good advice in saying to keep the boundaries tight, and when they are mastered, then slowly open them.  Dee couldn't wait to see me get in trouble.

So when we walked in, she asked if I needed to speak with her first.  I told her that we all three needed to meet first.  I said, "I have a confession, but Dee is going to speak it."  Dee pulled out her cell phone.  We talked about how we came to the decision.  The therapist could tell Dee was eager for my consequence, so I couldn't have any candy from the candy bowl today.

In the end, I think she was impressed with the total joy she saw in Dee.  She thinks iletting her get the cell phone may actually have been a good move.  Dee told her last night she asked me to tell her something to dream about, and I said, "Dream about that phone you love and I'm going to regret."  We both cracked up!  It was one of the most positive sessions we had.  The phone is down to six minutes tonight.

Dee did get a "think sheet" today for not obeying at after school club.  She wrote me a letter to read BEFORE I read the think sheet.  It explained she knew she was wrong but she was having an off day.  I let her slide with a warning.  I told her I was being gracious because she didn't deserve another chance.

We are trying something we haven't been able to use...positive reinforcement.  She is regulated enough to actually hear the positive.

Last night at dinner, she said she loved KFC.  I told her we don't have it because she told me she didn't like it.  She asked, "Did I tell you that when I was 8?"  When I said yes, she asked me if  I hadn't realized yet that when she was 8 pretty much everything she said was a lie.

I'm really enjoying her this week.

Rock-a-Roo

Roxy's allergies are driving her nuts.  Her fur looks horrible.  She is not happy.  We are going to the vet on Saturday.  I didn't want to spend the $300 - $400, but it's my baby.  It's time!

Cell Phone

Dee had $24.  That's a lot when you are 10 years old.  She was looking through the Sunday newspapers.  Did you know you can get a smart phone for free!!!  After learning about contracts, she found a prepaid phone that fit her budget.  She asked if she could have it.  In a moment of weakness, I guess, I agreed.

It was a moment of weakness because we discussed that she could have a phone when she went to 7th grade.  I felt if she didn't get to spend her money on things really important to her, it would be not so fun to have money.  I told her to think it over.  Consider that if she used it inappropriately that I would throw the phone and her $24 away.

She thought about it and we went phone shopping!  Dee got a $19.95 Tracfone.  The girl assured us that she blocked the web.  She asked how many minutes I wanted to buy.  I call Dee over.  She said none.  The girl said without minutes, you'll just have a phone to play with but no communication.  Dee told her that's what she wanted.  I brought a happy girl home. After research, I found that the web was not blocked.

So today, we did the whole trip over.  Returned the phone, and bought a different one at a different store.  Despite the fact I have tons of education under my belt...I managed to miss that phone too also has internet.  I'm so angry with myself.  I do not think Dee will be able to do anything on the web since she doesn't have a data plan.  Any effort will burn her minutes before she can connect.  But I'm so frustrated with myself.  Dee is overjoyed!  She began to have buyer's remorse and is even happier with phone #2.

I do see a different little girl right now.  She prayed in her nightly prayer for God to not even let her want to try to be sneaky.  (It was good to see what her heart wanted.)    And she prayed that she could prove me wrong.  I pray the same thing.

The Concert and a Banned Video

Dee and I were given tickets to the Taylor Swift concert.  The seats were great!  The parking was $27!!  Of  course, the seats were worth $180!  We had a ball!  Since Taylor is sponsored by Cover Girl, there was make-up give-a-ways and makeovers before the concert.  Just up Dee's alley!

I knew she would be so excited by all the vendors.  She would NEED a t-shirt, NEED a light, and NEED some food.  So, on the way there, I gave her $20.  That's your money, I said, use it on anything you may want.  She bought one $4 cotton candy.  Things always look different when the money is coming out of your pocket.  Who knows how much I saved?  A little t-shirt alone was $25.  But Dee doesn't know that...she never glanced that way.

We enjoyed the concert which ended at 11:00 p.m., so we had trouble getting to church for the 8:00 service, which I like to attend.  We made it to the 9:30 service, and Sunday School at 11:00.  Not without some arguing because Dee was very against waking up this morning!

Tonight I was watching a DVD we rented and Dee never seemed to want to watch with me.  A breaker tripped, and when I tried to re-start the DVD, I somehow started the VHS.  In the VHS player was a video I never saw.  I opened it up, and Dee was standing there.  It was "Dirty Dancing."  Someone threw a bunch of VHS tapes away, and Dee asked if we could take the Dirty Dancing one.  I said, "No."  She asked why and I told her it does not sound like a video we want to watch in our house.  So....she just snuck it.  She believed it should not be held against her since it did not happen today.

I told her she has lost trust in playing outside alone, (and she just got that back), and she lost trust in watching TV.  She is constantly reminded that trust is easily lost and difficult to gain.

She is trying to buy me off.  She started keeping a behavior chart on me a couple of days ago.  So, today she told me I have earned $2.10.